


To Him

by Tookachonceforstylessmile



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Narry - Freeform, POV Niall Horan, right after the hiatus, still in the works, with flashbacks, writing as i go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2018-08-07 20:25:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7728583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tookachonceforstylessmile/pseuds/Tookachonceforstylessmile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Its after the break, Niall wanted to move on, he understood it was never meant to be the end all kind of love. But what is he to do when Harry is suddenly there. He can't get hurt not again but he also doesn't seem to be able to run far away enough. Not like he really is trying. </p><p>Sorry not so good at summarizing but maybe just maybe the story might be a little better....maybe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize ahead of time for any grammar errors, i re-read and re-read the chapters several times but because the words are saved in my brain sometimes I think I read something when it was my brain who said the words.  
> Also there are places that Niall is remembering the past so I will try to make note at the beginning of the chapter if its a memory that he is having.

“ _Hey it’s me_ ”

 

I jerked up in bed; I was thinking that for sure I was dreaming. I looked around my dark room and stared at my phone in my hand. I had answered a call from a number I did not recognize, I am not sure what made me answer the call but I had. I could hear the voice coming from phone.

 

“ _ Hello? Are you there? Niall?” _

 

I just stared at my phone and all I could think about was that one day.

 

“A break? Are you serious?” I shouted.

 

“Don’t you think we need one?”  Louis asked.

 

“We have been non-stopping for five years I think we should take a small break.” Liam added.

 

“Define small”

 

“A year or a year and a half” Louis said.

 

“A year to a year and a half then what two more years after that?” I said looking at my three best friends. I couldn’t believe this.

 

“No Nialler, just a year” Liam responded.

 

“And a half” Louis added.

 

“No time for your jokes Tommo. Is it because of Zayn?”

 

“Partly I guess yeah you can say that.” Liam said

 

“You know everyone will think this is the end of us.” I told them.

 

“But it’s not we know we will be coming back. We all just have to be in the same agreement before we bring it up with management.”

 

“Harry?” I said turning to look at Harry on the corner not really engaging in this conversation. “What do you think?”

 

“Come on you know he agrees” Louis answered.

 

“Harry?” I said again “Do you agree?” I wanted him to say it.

 

“Yeah” he said getting off his chair and walking out of the room.

 

“Harry wait” I shouted but he didn’t turn back around. “What’s up with him? Are you sure he wanted this break?”

 

Louis and Liam both looked at each other.

 

“He didn’t talk to you about it?” Liam asked.

 

“Talked to me about what?”

 

“He was the one asking for the break.”

 

“What? No way” I said and ran out of the room. Why would he want a break? He loves this stuff. He loves performing. This didn’t make any sense. I found Harry outside the studio.

 

“Hey” I said startling him from his thoughts. He turned to look at me surprised. “What’s going on?” I asked.

 

“Nothing” he responded “I just needed some air.”

 

“No really, what’s going on? Tommo said you were the one asking for a break. Is that true?”

 

He looked down at his feet. “Niall I think we need a break.”

 

“I don’t understand.  You love performing and we are almost done with this album.”

 

“It’s been non-stop for 5 years.”

 

“Don’t give me that crap Harold I know you.”

 

“Niall, I”

 

“You what? You don’t want to be a part of this band anymore is that it?”

 

“I do and like the lads said this is just a break we will come back. I just feel like we all need some space to really expand our abilities to do so much more. You know I’vee been wanting to get involved in acting for a while”

 

“Yeah and? You can do that even if we are still in the band.”

 

“Well we are still and we will still be in the band but once this album is released then we will have to tour and that leaves no time for other projects. Don’t you want to do other things?”

 

“Performing is my thing, writing is my thing.”

 

“And you are so good at it”

 

“So are you” I shot back. “These songs you wrote for the album are great. You know that right?”

 

He returned his gaze back at the ground. I didn’t understand.

 

“Look Niall we all just want a break just a few months to do our projects, travel and have some space…”

 

“Space” I interrupted. “You want space?”

 

“Niall, wait.”

 

“No that’s just it right. That’s why you won’t even look at me.”

 

He brought his eyes to look at me once more. I could see it in his eyes, regret. Regret of what? Everything?

 

“Niall, we have all been together for all this time and I think we all just need to really see what it is that we want you know from the band.”

 

“Bullshit Harry. Have the guts to say it” I demanded.

 

“Say what?” he asked getting a bit defensive. I could deal with defensive I couldn’t deal with him wanting to look hurt or torn by his decision.

 

I stared at him in silence I could feel the rage still building inside. He just stared at me and then I could see him finally resigning that I was not giving this up so easily.

 

“I need a break Niall, we need a break” He said looking down at the ground again. What was it with this damn ground?

 

“Who makes you the one to decide of what we all need, eh?”

 

“Niall  _ we _ need a break” he said again with more emphasis on the  _ we. _

 

The anger left my body, everything left my body. He looked up at me after a few seconds of silence.

 

“Niall?” he asked.

 

“I get it” I said “You need a break.”

 

He said  _ we _ . I didn’t understand why that we affected me so much. I still remember trying to walk away that day. My feet and my brain not finding a connection each doing whatever they wanted to do. I don’t know how I managed but I got back inside the studio. Liam and Louis looked at me as I walked inside.

 

“Yeah, ok let’s do this break.”

 

“Niall are you sure?”

 

“Well you are all up for it so yeah let's do it.” I said throwing myself on the couch.

 

Harry came inside the studio. “Niall”

 

“I agreed Harry, we can do the break”

 

“It’s not going to be a bad thing, it will be good for all of us to catch up with the family and have a bit of a rest.” Liam said.

 

“Yeah sounds good, I’m down boys.”

 

“Niall” Harry called my name.

 

“Harry” I replied.

 

“Can you please come outside for a bit?”

 

“I figure we got to finish this song, how about later?”

 

“Actually Louis is about to record first Niall, you got time” Julian said.

 

“Yeah fine.” I said getting off the couch and walking outside. I could hear Harry behind me.

 

“Niall I think you misunderstood what I said.”

 

“You need a break from the band, I get it.” I said taking out my phone and looking through my emails. 

 

“Just the chaos around it. I haven’t told the guys yet but I had an audition for a movie and if it works out it starts filming next year.”

 

“That’s good Harry” I said trying to smile.

 

“Niall you are one of my best friends please don't be mad at me.”

 

“I am not mad” even though I knew I was.

 

Harry chuckled. “You think I don’t know you Horan. You think I am not coming back to the band, don't you?”

 

I looked up at his face. “Harry, Zayn left, he wanted a break too right, he wanted time to be normal. Where is he now? Working on his own album.”

 

“Niall I am not him.”

 

“You say that now. See what happens after you become this actor you won’t need the band anymore.”

 

“It's not about needing Niall is about wanting and I want to be a part of this. Trust me.”

 

Trust him? Was he serious? Just thinking of those words made me more angry.

 

“Look before shooting starts how about we go on a holiday?”

 

“I don't think everyone will have time”

 

“No just you and I, we can go back to Brazil.”

 

He was trying to keep me happy like a kid in a candy store but I hated that it was working.

 

“Fine but Harold screw with me and I will get you back later.”

 

“I wouldn't  dare” he said. 

 

“ _ Niall, hello?” _ the voice on the phone brought me back to the present.

 

“Hey” I said into the receiver.

 

“Hey” he responded.

 

“What’s up?”

 

“How are you?”

 

Was he trying to make small talk. “Good”

 

“Niall, I think we need to talk.”

 

“We are talking now, get on with it.”

 

“I am coming down to London in a few days, will you be in town?”

 

“No.” I lied.

 

“Oh”

 

“What is it?”

 

“Nothing nevermind, Hey glad to hear you are doing good. I’ve got to go but hope to see you soon.”

  
“Right, bye.” I ended the call. He told me to trust him and it wasn’t the first he had lied.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its a small chapter but felt I needed this transition for the next chapter when Niall remembers how things began....

I laid in bed unable to go back to sleep. Everything flashing through my mind like a movie. Scene after scene, shot after shot.  
  
“ _Hi I’m Harry.”….“It’s just a game Niall”…. "Trust me”…..“Can I stay with you?”….”Hold me”…..“I_ _love you.”….”It’s all blank..”_  
  
“Aaaaaahhh” I screamed trying to shut off everything in my mind. I had been doing great the past weeks and now everything I wanted to suppress was coming back. I closed my eyes hoping to be able to get back to sleep. Slowly I felt myself drifting but I knew it was not a dream I was drifting into, but a memory, my memory.

 

“Hi, I’m Harry” he said shaking my hand. 

 

“Niall” I simply said and watched him continue introducing himself as he walked down the path. Strange fella I thought.  I had to focus I wanted this more than anything I had ever wanted. I was so grateful to be able to have this opportunity and I did not want to put it to waste. I almost thought I wasn’t going to get this opportunity, it was such a close call but I was here now and I had to focus on the positive. I made sure to make the best of everything every single day.  Bootcamp was more like hell camp it had been a rigorous few days and dancing was not my strong side but I knew I had to try I had to give it my all. I remember watching him doing things with such ease his singing, his dancing, his charm. He could charm anyone. I remember watching him as he passed by the crowd I was sitting with playing my guitar. He would walk staring at the girls seated around me. The day when our lives changed is the day that I am sure I will never forget. Waiting as the judges called name after name and realizing the slots were slowly filling up and there was still plenty of us left. I saw him from the corner of my eye waiting as patiently as I was. If anything I was sure his name would have been called but it wasn’t. Neither he nor I was called. Gutted. That’s exactly how I felt completely gutted. We all walked off stage and of course cameras were on our faces trying to catch every single tear. I couldn’t help it, I felt broken. But life wasn’t over and neither were we. That day marked the beginning of the rest of our lives. The group was formed and I don't think anyone anticipated everything that came after. Everything just clicked for everyone. Not only did the group take off in a big way but our friendships just grew with each passing year. At times in the beginning I felt like we had all become just a little too comfortable with each other always being in each other's face and all the touching and groping going around made me uncomfortable. But it was all for good fun.

 

“Can you believe people actually think we are like together, together?” Harry said over to Louis. “I thought this whole thing would of died off after all this time.”

 

“It's kind of bizarre really.” Louis told him.

 

“If they only knew you were after Niall.” Zayn said.

 

“Funny” I told him. The guys liked to make fun of how close Harry and I had become. How at times we left on our own just to get away from all the chaos. We had formed a great friendship since we were close in age and we were a similar yet a different person.

 

“Exactly.” Harry said.

 

“You really need to stop saying that Harry.” I told him. “People will believe it.” 

 

“So” He said. “It’s not like it’s a lie. Just look at you. Specially now with no braces.”

 

“Shut up Harry.” I told him.

 

The rest of the guys laughed. They liked to tease me about how uncomfortable sometimes Harry could make me. The fact was that Harry was too good at pretending. He had me fooled. His touch always lingered just a little more and the things he would say always right on the border of seriousness. I sometimes did it too but it was all for show, just for the camera.  I left the room as they continued their banter. 

 

“Niall wait up.” Harry called behind me. “Are you really upset?”

 

“No” I told him.

 

He put his hand on my shoulder. “I didn’t know it bothered you this much, I am sorry, It’s just a game Niall.”

 

I moved away from his grasp and the words came out of my mouth before I could stop them “Is it Harry? Is it really a game?”

 

“What is that supposed to mean?”

 

“Nothing forget it.”

 

“No, come on get it out.”

 

“People believe things that you do.”

  
“People? I don’t care what people say or think, do you?”

  
  
“It’s not that I care about people but Harry, come on sometimes things that you do, the things that you say”

  
  
“What about them?”

  
  
“It’s hard to keep the real from the fake”

  
  
He stared at me and smiled.

  
  
“That’s the point, isn’t it?” But if it makes you uncomfortable I will stop. ”

  
  
“No” I said. He looked at me confused, just as confused as I was by my response. “ Look it’s just for fun, right?”

  
  
“Of course. This could be fun Niall.”

  
  
He smiled and it made me feel at ease yet it gave me shivers.

  
  
“Alright” I said.

 

He came over and hugged me.  “Unless you are looking for this to be real then well..”

  
  
“Shut up” I told him pushing him away. He laughed.

  
  
“Options Niall, options.”

  
  
“Yeah Okay, I will make sure to remember that and keep it in mind.” I told him rolling my eyes.

  
  
He walked back over to me and grabbed my face and smiled. He leaned in and whispered in my ear. “Yeah make sure you do” he said then kissing my cheek slowly.

  
  
“Harry” I yelled.

  
  
He burst out in laughter. “This is going to be fun” he said as he left the room leaving me to my thoughts.

  
  
I was now in on his game and I was ready to play. I knew I could not let him get to me. I played by the rules but as for him he never did. He would make his own rules as he went. Time after time he found a new way to make me get embarrassed to make me misunderstand his actions. He was good at his game and I thought I was another player but I was pretending to be as good as he was. This was his game and it was all on his rules after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to leave any comments....Thank you for taking time out of your day to read this little adventure. Hoping you stick with me and may you like it as much as I am liking telling you this story.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love bite” he yelled happily, throwing his arms in the air. “Member those”
> 
> “I’m gonna bite you” I told him feeling the soreness on my neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remembering of times that have passed.......

I moved around in bed feeling the cold of the sheets against my body. I wasn’t ready to get off of bed. I needed this rest. I needed time to stop and let it all sink in. I wanted to forget but i knew I would always remember. His game I thought as I brought a pillow next to me drifting off again and I saw the image in my brain I couldn't stop it before getting lost in my memories once more.

 

***** _Niall's memory********_

 

I saw him talking to a group of girls by the bar and I could see it in his face, he was over it. He would've been fully engaged in conversation because he isn't one not to give you his full attention. I wondered if i should go and save him but I decided to give him his space. Through the night every so often I could see the same group of girls being around him following him around the room. Of course they wanted to be around him everyone falls into his spell within seconds of talking to him. I was sure that if he didn't want them around he would've made an escape by now. I was talking to Louis and Oli when I felt a gaze on me, instinctively I turned to the bar. My gaze met Harry’s. I raised my eyebrows towards him asking him an unspoken question and he replied by giving me a side smirk. I laughed realizing we were having a conversation across the room.

“What?” Louis asked.

 “I think Harry's had it with those girls tonight.”

 “I can help him out” Oli said.

“What makes you think they want you?” Louis responded hitting Oli’s shoulder.

“Should I let him continue to suffer?” I asked looking back at Harry.

“Why doesn't he just leave them then?” Louis asked.

“I dunno, I’m guessing he tried but they continue to follow him.” I shrugged.

Harry looked over again.

“I think he wants you mate”

“I’ll be right back.” I said and headed over to the bar. Harry smiled when he saw me making my way over. I reached the group and could hear the girls trying to catch his interest but I could tell they would be unsuccessful. Not sure why they weren't understanding it themselves.

“Niall” Harry exclaimed putting his arm around my shoulder. The group of girls turned to look at me. I could tell some were excited thinking that I had most likely came to join their little party while others were annoyed I had interrupted their party.

“Niall” Harry said again squeezing my shoulder a little tighter. It was obvious he had a little too much to drink.

 “Louis is asking for you.” I said realizing I had not come up with a story to take him away. 

“Louis” he said confused. I nodded.

“Tell him to come over” a brunette from the group exclaimed making her followers get excited.

 “He rather not.” I said.

 “We don't bite” the brunette responded.

 “Speak for yourself” another girl called out.

 “Louis” a blonde yelled across the room. Louis turned to look at the group and waved.  The girls continued to call him over. Louis just smiled but I could see Oli trying to convince him to come over.

 “I better go” Harry said. We turned to walk away and the brunette grabbed my arm. 

“Keep us company in the meantime Niall” 

Harry grabbed her hand and removed it from my arm.

“I need him” he said and put his arm around my shoulder once again and guided us away.

“Why Louis?” he whispered in my ear. “You could've just said you needed me.” 

“They wouldn’t have let me leave if I said I needed you. You saw that girl almost ripped me arm off.”

Harry laughed beside me. I had forgotten how loud he truly laughed specially when he was drunk.

“Thank you for rescuing me” he said as we reached Louis and Oli.

“What was that all about?” Louis asked pointing at the group of girls who were still watching us.

“Niall told them you needed me”

“Why did you drag me into this?”

“Coz I can't find Liam and you were here.”

“You could've said I needed him” Oli suggested.

“You talk a lot of shit, you know that right?” Louis scowled at Oli.

“What, I am serious”

“Alright then go on, go over there.”

Harry-who still had his arm around me- and I moved aside to make room for Oli to walk by.

“You don't think I will do it” he said eyeing the girls. “Watch me”. He walked past Harry and I and headed to the waiting group of girls.

“Well good luck to him” Harry said. “Let’s go”

“Go? Go where?” I asked.

 “Dance” he replied hitting me with his hip.

 “You’re alone on this Harry.” I said removing his arm around me. He smiled and then made his way on to the dance floor with his dance moves. Throwing his arms all over the place. I laughed and watched as he continued his exhibition on the dance floor. After circling around a few times I saw him dancing his way back over to me. I saw him coming with his wide smile, that dimple appearing on his cheek. I couldn't help but laugh and stare in a trance. His steps moving slowly to the beat of the music. I knew he would try to grab me so I placed my hands insidw my pockets. He laughed but still grabbed my arms. I shook my head no.

 He leaned in close “Come on” he said against my ear.

 “You are doing fine by yourself” I said.

 “Just dance with me”

 “You are too drunk” I said laughing.

 “I could be sober and still want to dance with you.”

 I stepped back to be able to look at him. He smiled.

 “What, it's true.”

 I smiled and shook my head. He pulled me into a short embrace, then grabbed me by both shoulders and whispered against my ear.

 “Why do you smell so good today?”

 “What is wrong with you?!” I asked.

 He smiled and grabbed my left arm pulling it until my hand was out of the pocket. I resisted against his pull but he would not let go. He continued his “seductive” dance still holding onto my arm that with every movement his hand would slide down until he was holding my hand. This wasn't the first time he held my hand but it was the first time it felt different maybe because of they way he was acting tonight. But that was all it took for my strength to be gone. I was so focused on the way his hand was on mine that next thing I know he had pulled me onto the dance floor. I tried to get away.

 “Oh no you don't” he said pulling me into the crowd in the middle of the dance floor. People began clapping and he made sure to block my way out.

 “Niall! Niall!” he chanted getting the crowd started.

 “Fine” I yelled to him. I danced around the crowd surprised that I enjoyed myself.

 “Happy” I said to him once my parading around was complete.

 He gave me a big grin. “Very”

 “Can I go now?”

 “No, just stay a little longer. Those girls are waiting for you to leave me alone.”

 “Like you don't like the attention.”

 “Hey” he said like he was hurt.

 “Just tell them you are not interested.”

 “You know I can't do that. That's not polite.”

 “Its also not polite giving people the "get me out of here" look when those girls are trying to have a conversation with you.”

 “You’re right. To be fair it was a great conversation at first but then I think they ran out of things to say and it became a “look at me” competition. I lost interest”

 “You lost interest at looking at hot girls?”

 He shrugged his shoulders. “You know what,  we need a drink. Let’s get a drink.”

 We made our way over to the bar making sure it was at the opposite side where the girls were standing. One drink became three drinks later. As we stood by the bar having a conversation Louis made his way over to us laughing.

 “Was it?” Harry asked slurring his words.

 “Oli just came back angry. Those girls were asking him questions about the band only. So he told them all this dumb shit and that we were staying at some hotel tonight so they left to wait.” Louis continued laughing. “He is such a shit”

 Harry laughed, which caught me by surprise as he would normally think that was rude.

 “You find that funny?” I asked.

 “He said Olis shit”

 “Mate you are pissed” Louis said over to Harry.

 “No” Harry responded extending the “O” sound.

 “Definitely pissed. Take him home Niall”

 “Yeah, take me home Niall” he said trying to grab my shoulder while almost falling over.

 “You take him” I shouted at Louis.

 “I can't, I've lost Oli and I can't leave him here.”

 “Come on Harry, I’ll get you a cab”

 “Paps are out there” Louis said. “They will be ready to catch a picture of him.”

 “No, no lights” Harry chimed covering his face.

 “Well then what do you reckon I do?”

 Louis shrugged his shoulders.

 “Oh, loads help you are mate. Come on Harry”

I put my arm around his waist and his arm around my shoulder for support. The difference in height was not helping.

 “Harry come on man walk”

 “Carry me” he responded.

 “Look I will try to get someone to help you get home and if you need me just call me ok, i think that will be easier.”

 “Niall” he yelled.

 “What I am right here?”

 “I need you” he said.

 “Ugh, come on. Wait here” I told him sitting him down in a chair.

 “Here” he repeated.

 “Don’t move.”

 He tried his best to sit straight and not move. He could be such an idiot sometimes.

 “If I come back and you are not here I am leaving you,you understand?”

 He didn't move. I went over to the front of the venue and opened the door to step outside when all the lights began to flash. I closed the door, definitely good thing Harry was not walking out to this. I asked one of the hostesses to call a cab to the back. I returned to the spot where I had left Harry and to my surprise he was still there but he was not alone. A group of three girls had found him. I rolled my eyes.

 “Niall” he yelled when I reached him.

 “Let's go” I said helping him up. “Excuse us girls”

 “I didn’t move” he said proudly.

 “Good, at least finally you listen to me.” I said dragging him along with me. We reached the back of the venue and stepped outside. The cab was still making his way down the alley. Harry was slumping down more.

 “Come on Harry just a little more” I felt his warm breathe and his lips on my neck.

 “Ow” I yelled. “What the hell?”

 “Love bite” he yelled happily, throwing his arms in the air. “Member those”

 “I’m gonna bite you” I told him feeling the soreness on my neck.

 “Oooh” he replied. “Is that a promise?”

 “Shut up Harry” I said as the cab pulled up. I opened the door and he climbed in the back seat. I gave the driver my address and we headed off. Harry laid his head on my shoulder. I wanted to scowl him about his drinking tonight but we were in a cab and he was more unresponsive than anything right now.

 “I think I'm going to be sick” he said after a while.

 “Sir, this will be fine” I called over to the driver. We were only a few houses down but didn’t want to risk Harry throwing up.

 “Come on” I said as I paid the cab driver. He got out of the cab and hurried to a bin nearby. I walked over to him and held him from his waist not knowing what else to do.

 “You know you shouldn't drink this much.” I told him. “I am all about drinking and having fun but know your limits.”

 “I think one of those girls put something in my drink.” he said after a while.

 “Harry you know not to take drinks from anyone” I scolded.

 “Hey no yelling”

 “Come on” I said pulling him towards my place.

 “Thanks Niall” he said coming close to me.

 “Aye, you got to wash your mouth, it stinks”

 “I think it's my shirt”

 I looked down and he had in fact a bit of his vomit on his shirt.

 “Gross” I said trying not to be sick myself.

 We reached my place and I guided him up the stairs to the living room.

 “Wait here”I went into my room and grabbed him one of my shirts and an extra toothbrush I had. “Come on Harold, you need to wash your mouth.” I walked him over to the toilet. “Take off your shirt” I told him.

 “I can't”

 “Come on, don't make me get you in a cold shower.”

 “Will you join me?”

 "Just shut up” I said lifting his shirt over his head.

 “You really going to get me in the shower?”

 “No you idiot. I got you one of me shirts so you don't sleep on your own vomit and here is a toothbrush so you can clean your mouth. That brush is yours from now on.”

 “You are so good to me” he said as he got closer to me.

 “Wash your mouth. I'll get the couch ready for you” I told him as I got out of the restroom. I grabbed an extra pillow and a cover. I arranged them on the couch for him.

 “Thank you” he said as he came into the living room.

 “Just remember it next time I get drunk like you.”

 “I love you” he said as he hugged me.

 “ Yeah, yeah I love you too now get to bed.”I left him and headed to my room. I quickly changed into shorts and headed to bed. Deep in my sleep I felt warmness next to me I touched around my bed.

 “ What the hell” I said jerking up in bed. “Harry” I said. There he was laying next to me.

 “What?” he asked not a bit startled.

 “What are you doing here?”

 “Trying to sleep”

 “Come on get up! Go to the couch”  I said taking the covers off him. There he laid on my bed with only his underpants and my shirt on.

 “Niall” He exclaimed trying to get back the covers.

 “No” I shouted.

“Please, the couch is too small for me.” He looked over at me. “Can I stay here,tonight?”

I should've continued to tell him no or left him in the bed and I could’ve taken the couch but I didn’t. I don’t know if I was just too tired to fight.

“Fine” I told him giving him back the covers. “Stay on your side”

I tried to stay close to the edge of the bed but he ended up near me or I ended up near him.  In my sleep I felt him put his arm around me. We had laid in a bed together before, he had held me so many times before even shirtless like i was now but this one threw me off.  My body froze while my insides reacted to his touch. I didn’t understand it. I felt like I needed to get up but at the same time I didn’t want to. Why didn’t I want to? I laid there trying not to move but I could feel and hear my heartbeats beating against my eardrum. He held me tighter, pulled me in close until he was able to lay his head in the nook of my neck. His warm breathe against my skin causing goosebumps from head to toe and my body instantly reacting. The hotness my skin felt under the touch of his fingers. I was glad he was sleeping that he couldn’t see the affect he was causing me. Why was this happening and most of all why didn’t I want it to stop. I turned my face enough to see his face. His hair was getting longer, his long black lashes touching his skin as if tracing light kisses by his eyes right above his cheekbones. His lips slightly parted so full and lightly pink. It was crazy the thoughts that were going through my head I wanted to touch his lips. I inhaled deeply. He stirred and I closed my eyes pretending to be asleep. I felt his head rise up and then his arm leaving my body. I thought he must have realized he was too close but then his arm was around me again. Slowly traveling down my side. Trailing down my naked chest, my stomach until his hand was over my hip. I could feel myself throbbing and my heart accelerating with anticipation as to what he could do. He must have noticed.

“Niall” he whispered against my neck. I tried to continue my rhythmic breathing.

 “Niall” he said again now so near my face I could smell the mint off his breathe. His warm hand came back up and I felt his hand against the left side of my face, he slowly turned my face towards his direction.

 “Niall” he whispered. His face so close I was feeling his warm breathe against my lips. He brought his lips against my ear. “Niall, I know you’re awake.” I felt his smile come across his lips. “I can feel you’re awake.”

 I opened my eyes and he was staring at me. “What?” I asked.

 Without any explanation or any words he brought his lips to mine. He kissed me ever so lightly most likely waiting for my reaction. I just laid there with his lips laying over mine. Eventually finding  the connection between my brain and my hands I brought them up and slowly pushed him back just far enough that I could see his face.

 “Harry, what are you doing?’

 “What I should’ve done many years ago.” he said kissing me again.

 “Stop” I told him against his lips.

 He looked at me but smiled. “Why?”

 “You are drunk Harry.”

 “No” he said and placed another kiss on my lips.

 “Harry stop”

 “Why?” He asked again.

 “You have been drinking, I have been drinking.”

 “Tell me you don’t want me to kiss you Niall.” he whispered against my lips. Pecking them as he spoke. “Tell me you don’t want me and I will stop.”

 “Harry come on” I said.

 “Say it”

 I couldn’t say it I couldn't bring myself to say the words. Did I really want him to kiss me? What was happening?

 “Say it” he repeated. “If you don’t say it, I am going to kiss you again.”

He looked at me and I looked at his face. His green eyes looking, waiting for my reaction, waiting for me to tell him I didn’t want it. That I didn't want his lips on mine. But I did and it scared me that I did want his kiss. How long had I been wanting this? His eyes looked down at my lips and back at my eyes. As if waiting for the last protest but I said nothing. He brought his lips over mine again. Slowly he laid them on top of mine pressing against them. His hands on each side of my face.  He then moved his lips over mine slowly, I allowed my lips to part. Rhythmically in motion with his. I was surprised on my own movements as I brought my hand into his hair. His hair was definitely getting longer. A slow growl escaped his throat as the kiss deepened. His tongue finding my own, the taste of mint in his mouth. I was glad I had him brush his teeth which spread a smile across my face. I felt him smile too most likely at the fact that we were both actually allowing this to happen. He brought his hand back down on my chest and began his trail downward, down to where I was throbbing.

“Harry” I said against his lips.

 “Mmmm” was all he said as his tongue entered my mouth again. The kiss developing a hunger, a hunger of longing, of wanting.

 “Harry” I breathed.

 “Niall”

 “Wait I told him.” I knew where this could lead to and it could not happen not like this. He had been drinking all night. I couldn’t be for sure that he was doing this in all his senses. If things went any further and he truly didn’t want this to happen it would ruin everything. It would ruin us. Plus I needed to make sure my mind was clear I had been drinking too.

 “What are we waiting for?” he asked pecking my lips.

 “Harry, please.”

 “Niall I can see and feel you want me.”

 “But Harry we both have been drinking, this can’t happen.”

 “I love you” he said, he kissed my chest and rested his head against it. “I can feel your heartbeat. It’s going fast.”

 “Yeah I can feel it.” I brought my hand to play with his hair. “This is getting long” I said pulling on it.

 He laughed. “I think I might just let it grow a little.”

 “I like it” I told him. “Sleep Harry.”

 “Why?” he asked.

 “Must you always ask why. Why can’t you just listen to me for once?”

 I felt his smile come across his face. He held me tightly and I listened to his breathing as my body slowly became my own. As I regained control of my body.

  
We would always have the next day to see where things would go from this night. Always seemed like forever but forever was never meant to last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for taking time out of your day to ready this little adventure :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When and how did these feelings developed? I had feelings, for him? I had feelings for Harry? Harry one of my best friends?

Niall continues in his memory dream:

_ I opened my eyes startled by the city sounds outside my window. My head throbbing a little from the drinking the night before. Shit the night before. I looked around my bed and he was still there sleeping. I got up slowly not wanting to wake him and headed into the shower. I couldn’t believe what happened, he had kissed me and I had kissed him back. _

_ “Shit” I said. This would change everything. I stood in the shower for a bit letting the water hit my body trying to make sense of it all. Why did I stand by and allow this to happen? Was I that drunk? No, I knew I wasn't. It takes more than a few drinks for me. Then why? And when? When and how did these feelings developed? I had feelings, for him? I had feelings for Harry? Harry one of my best friends? I rubbed my eyes I couldn't believe this. This wasn't real. I've had girlfriends before. I've cared for them, I thought I loved them. He had dated other girls too and now all I could think about is that HE kissed me and I kissed him back. What was all this? Was this a hook-up? Is that all he wanted? Was it just a curiosity thing for both him and I? He said he loved me, what kind of love was this? I've said I loved him too was it different than what he meant? _

_ I would let him decide what was to come from this now, let him determine what all this meant, As much as I wanted to lie to myself or deny that I had kissed him back the truth of everything was that there was nothing that could change the way I felt laying next to him on my bed, waking up next to him. I got out of the shower accepting what was about to come.  I couldn’t fight myself anymore.I didn't want to fight myself anymore. I quickly dressed trying not to disturb him and headed out to the kitchen. I put some water to boil for some tea and decided to cook me an omelet. I quickly chopped up some vegetables and began to cook. _

_ “Smells good in here” Harry said coming out of my room. He was such a vision.  Seeing him walk with his tousled hair, his long bare legs with only his underpants and my shirt. My Eagles shirt. I tried to make out what his mood was but his stare was blank. _

_ “What?” He asked. _

_ “Nothing” I quickly replied trying to compose myself. “Do you want an omelet with veggies?” _

_ “I can make it, Niall” he said as he walked over and grabbed some eggs out of the fridge. _

_ “Yeah, ok. There is some hot water for tea.” I told him as I took my seat on my kitchen table. _

_ “Got some milk?” _

_ “Yeah, it's over here on the table.” _

_ He quickly threw the eggs into a bowl and whisk them as he let the pan get hot. I stared at him as he moved around MY kitchen. Watching as he did everything so smoothly, so natural.  I wondered if this was him every morning on his own. Shirtless was most likely the case. _

_ “You are not eating” he said as he looked at my untouched plate. _

_ “I was waiting for you.” _

_ “Since when?” he asked laughing. I smiled and began to eat my food finding it very flavorless with the anticipation that had me waiting. Waiting for what was to come, waiting for him to determine where we would go from here. He prepared his tea and began to eat. I couldn’t wait any longer. _

_ “How ya feeling?” _

_ “Let’s just say I have been better.” _

_ Did he mean he had someone better? “Oh, really?” _

_ “I’m a bit embarrassed to tell you the truth.” _

_ “Why?”  _

_ “Niall, you really have to ask?”  _

_ “Harry, look nothing to be embarrassed about. Shit happens.”  _

_ “I’m sorry, Niall.” _

_ I understood. “Don’t be, you were drunk.” _

_ Regret, he felt regret. I hoped if anything was to come out of this was us laughing about this. But regret, I was not ready for his regret. My stomach turned into knots. Why was everything hurting inside? I should be glad that he didn’t mean for it to happen, relieved should be the feeling I should have but it wasn’t. I got up and threw the rest of my food away. _

_ “You done eating already?” he asked. _

_ “I’m actually not that hungry.” My stomach couldn’t take another bite of food. If I did I was sure I would be sick. My stomach felt empty but it didn’t want any food. _

_ “You’re not hungry?” he asked confused. “This is because of me right?” _

_ “No, I am just not in the mood for food right now.” _

_ “Niall, I promise I will make it up to you.” _

_ “Don’t worry about it.” He didn’t owe me anything especially not his pity. I wasn’t his charity case. _

_ “How can I not worry about it. It's just not right.” _

_ It wasn’t right but then why did it feel so right, i thought. _

_ “At least that is all that happened.” I was glad now that I didn’t allow last night to go any further. His regret would have been bigger and my regret, well my regret I would never know, not now. _

_ “Why didn’t you just kick me out of your room?” _

_ “What?” I shouted. “Harry, you’re not turning this on me. I told you to get out of my room and you didn’t listen.” _

_ “I’m sorry.” he said again. _

_ “You're sorry doesn't change anything, does it? How dare you want to blame me for this? I didn’t ask you to do it, you did it on your own.” Well not all on his own I could have done more to stop it I thought but still he was not allowed to make this my fault. _

_ “Niall” he yelled putting his hands up. “I don’t blame you. I’m sorry, you’re right it was all me. I should have not drank so much and I should've just taken the couch. I don’t know why I would even take your bed. Please don’t think I’m saying it’s your fault it’s all me. I should be thanking you for taking care of. So Thank you.” _

_ “What?” I asked confused. _

_ “Thank you.” he repeated. _

_ I stared at him confused. He placed his dirty dishes on the sink and turned around to me again. _

_ “By the way, why am I wearing your shirt?” _

_ “You threw up on yours.” _

_ “What” he said in shock. “ I was that bad.?” _

_ “Harry, are you saying you don’t remember last night?” _

_ He looked at me embarrassed. _

_ “What do you remember?” _

_ “Talking to some girl or girls I think, I talked to Lou, I danced. You danced, wait did you dance?” _

_ “That’s all? Do you remember us coming home?” _

_ “No, it's all blank” he said looking ashamed. “I was shocked when I woke up this morning thought I ended up with one of those girls but then I recognized your room.” _

_ He didn’t remember! This idiot goes around kissing people and can’t remember. Was this the first time this happened? How many more had he kissed before? Had he kissed Nick before? _

_ “What happened?” he asked. _

_ “You were so drunk last night that you could barely walk. Before we got home you threw up that’s why I gave you my shirt.” _

_ “Did I undress myself?” he asked sheepishly. _

_ “Who else would do it Harry?” _

_ He laughed. “And that is how I ended in your room right, or how did I end up in your room?” _

_ “I don’t know, I woke up in the middle of the night and you were in the bed.” _

_ “Oh no Niall. I kicked you off your own bed when you were already sleeping. I’m sorry.” he said covering his face. _

_ “Don’t worry about it mate.”I said as I started to clean up the kitchen.  He sat there on the table thinking, trying to remember I suppose. I really wished he would stop trying to remember. It wasn’t worth it to remember, well it wasn’t worth it for him. _

_ “Then what?” he asked after a while. _

_ “Nothing. I got out of bed and came to the couch.” I said not looking over to him. If he would see my face I am sure he could tell I was lying. _

_ “I’m sorry.” _

_ “Will you stop saying that. Forget about it. I have. It was nothing big so it doesn’t even matter.” _

_ “It doesn’t matter to you?” _

_ “No, and it sure as hell should not matter nothing to you either.” I knew we were both talking about something different but I needed to get my anger out somehow. I should tell him what happen,I should make sure he felt more embarrassed of what happened. But if I did I knew I had to confess of my part as well and I just didn’t want to deal with that. _

_ He nodded. “ Right, do you mind if I take a quick shower?” _

_ “Yeah, go ahead. I’m heading out there is an extra key under the first Brit award. Lock up.” _

_ “Oh, it's fine then I’ll just shower at home.” _

_ “Harry, just get in the shower. You stink mate.” _

_ “But you’re leaving?” _

  
_ “It’s not like I’m getting in the shower with ya. Just lock up when you leave.” I said grabbing my hat, my keys and walked out the door. Walking out, seeing him standing there seeing me as I walked away was the last I saw of him. This break was sure one that I needed. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to anyone who is reading this little adventure.


	5. Chapter 5

I woke up soaked in my own sweat the image that came to my head that followed after I walked out so long ago were mixing with the images from just days ago. Could history repeat itself? I didn’t doubt it could. Years ago I didn’t have as much of a break as I could have now. A couple of months was not enough last time now thanks to _their_ decision I had more than a year maybe even more than that. I got out of bed and quickly took a shower. I couldn’t go back to sleep.I didn't want to continue  remembering. I grabbed my laptop and started to make plans for the next few months. I needed to get out of here for a while. My very own apartment had too many memories. He said he would be in town so I couldn’t be here when he came back. I had to break our cycle. As much as I wanted to, it was clear that this no longer should continue. I finished the plans for the coming months and decided to order some food. Deo was coming over and I hoped he would be a good distraction. He showed up with beer just the way he always did. But not even drinks or Deo could keep my thoughts and memories away.

“You going to be here for the Brits this year?” he asked as we watched some show on tv.

Oh the Brits, they were over a month away. Would he show up too?

“I don’t know. I want to get away.  Plus we are supposed to be on this break. You want to head out next month?” I said trying to get off this subject.

“Yeah sure,what do you have in mind?”

“Far from here.” I told him. “After Melbourne let’s just get far away from here as possible. We’re heading out in a few days too.”

“We are?  So that means we won’t be here and it means no Brits?”

“No, Deo!” I exclaimed. “Not this year.”

“Ok, Ok Let me get you another beer.”

He knew something was wrong but he knew it was better to leave it alone. I couldn’t go to the Brits and risk him showing up too and have to see him there. They could go without me. Last time I was there I had no choice and no way to run away. There was only so far and so fast I was able to go with my crutches.......

 

_ “It’s been months Niall” he had said that night a few years ago. _

_ “Yeah.” _

_ “How did the surgery go?” _

_ “Good” _

_ “How’s your knee?” _

_ “Better.” _

_ “How was your time off?” _

_ “Great” _

_ “Is that all I will be getting from you one word answers?” _

_ “No” I said.  _

_ He sigh. “What happened?” _

_ Nothing” _

_ "Niall will you stop this? There is something you are not telling me.” _

_ “Harry I haven’t seen you in months, you think I’m keeping something from you?” _

_ “Yes and we need to talk about it” _

_ I looked over at him and he was serious. “Oh what no 3 a.m. conversations this time?” _

_ “Niall I am sorry about that.” _

_ “You are always sorry Harry. Why did you text me at 3 a.m. the other day?” _

_ I don’t know. We haven’t really talked in these past months and I felt like I wanted to give us a try to hang out.” _

_ “At 3 a.m.? After you are leaving a club....Drunk" _

_ “I know I don’t pick the best moments but I am here now.” _

_ Not here” I told him. We were back stage waiting to talk to the press after winning our award. _

_ "I leave for LA tomorrow.” _

_ “Well then another time, can’t keep her waiting.” _

_ He looked over at me surprised. I wanted to tell him yes of course I knew about her.  _

_ “Come to Sony’s after party tonight.” _

_ “I don’t think I can make it.” _

_ “Niall, please.” _

_ “I’ll see if I can.” _

_ “Too busy?” he asked. _

_ “Something like that.” _

_ “Yeah don't’ want to keep her waiting too.” _

_ “Oi, Oi” Louis came in yelling interrupting our conversation. _

_ “Nialler you want me to carry you?” Liam asked. _

_ “Liam you are so pissed to even carry yourself.” Louis told him. _

_ “You are right mate. Don’t want to drop my little Niall here.” he said rubbing my cheeks. _

_ “Think it’s time we go up.” Harry  said walking out to the media. _

_ We finished our interview and walked out to yet another tent filled with more cameras and microphones. I was glad. The more people were around I knew there was less of a chance he could pull me away to talk. Every once in awhile I would catch his eyes on me but I made it so no one could tell anything was wrong. Smiles and laughs that’s what everything is all about how it’s always been. Smile even when you don’t feel like it. It's all for show. _

 

_ “We heading to the after party boys?” Liam asked. Harry turned and looked at me. _

_ “Not me” Zayn replied. _

_ “Tommo you in?” _

_ “I dunno, maybe” _

_ “Nialler?” _

_ “No, I’m tired. I’m going home.” _

_ “Awe, come on. I haven’t seen you in months.” _

_ “My leg hurts, Liam. Still getting better after surgery” _

_ “I’ll carry you.” _

_ “Again with the same shit, Payno” Louis shouted. _

_ “Oh, right. but come on you can’t leave me alone.” Liam insisted. _

_ “Fine, I’ll go for a bit.” _

_ “Woo hoo” Liam exclaimed. _

_ “Don’t let him drink anymore Niall. He is going to end up like Harry did last time.” _

_ “Like I can stop him. All he has to do is run from me.” I said showing bringing up my crutches. _

_ “Harry remember that night you got pissed?” _

_ “Harry was pissed?” Liam asked. _

_ “Very, poor Nialler here  had to be the one to take care of him.” _

_ “Where was I?” Liam asked putting his arm around Harry. _

_ “Somewhere pissed too, I’m sure.” Louis said. _

_ “I miss everything.” _

_ “Making Niall dance with him that night.” _

_ Harry looked over at me. I laughed to avoid his gaze. “Let’s go to this party.” I said getting up. I couldn’t let this conversation continue. _

_ “Let me help you” He said coming over and putting his hand on my back. _

_ “I’ve got it.” I told him. _

_ “We do need to talk” he said letting me go and walking away. _

_ That night I made sure to always be surrounded by people making sure he knew I would not be left alone.I wasn’t sure if he had figured everything out but I couldn’t risk it. A few months were not enough for me to forget as easy as it was for him to forget with one night he had kissed me. I tried to keep my eye out for him through the night. _

_ “Can we talk now?” He had come up behind me. Shit. _

_ “I was just leaving.” _

_ “You can't spare time to talk? _

_ I hated that he was trying to make me feel bad but he had more than plenty of time to talk, instead I had seen he had gone out with Nick to clubs for several nights before. But he was choosing now because  he was leaving. _

_ “I can't” _

_ “I can see why now” he said. I looked up to see what he was talking about. _

_ “I know you are with her now but I thought our, our friendship was more important.” _

_ “Harry stop.” _

_ “I’m not trying to make you feel bad or for you to have to choose between her and I. I can handle you two being together, but remember you walked out on me Niall. You left and left me to wonder what happened. Taking over your bed was minimal and I tried to figure out what exactly made you so upset. My heart aches that we can’t even talk now.” _

_ “Harry stop” _

_ “Alright” he said. “But you know we will see each other next month and no matter what we will talk. I'll leave you to her.” _

_ “You are the one to talk you went directly to her. You are even going now.” _

_ “You walked out.” _

_ “It wasn’t worth for me to stay there as it wasn't worth for you to remember.” _

  
_ He looked over at me surprised. “See you in a month.” he said walking away as Selena came up to me. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for continuing with me. I will try to update sooner.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been thinking about everything too and I’m sorry for walking out like I did. I should’ve stayed and talked it over.”
> 
> “No, I understand why you left Niall. I crossed the line, the boundary we had. I know I broke it.”
> 
> “Harry, it wasn’t all you. I had fault in it too. I think I was mad at myself.”
> 
> “At yourself, why? You didn’t do anything.”
> 
> “Exactly, I should have stopped it. You were drunk.”
> 
> He stared at me wanting to say something but I could tell he was holding back.

_ Niall continues in his memory…. _

_ He said “see you in a month” and of course he wasn’t lying our rehearsals started about a month after the Brits so of course he would show. I have no doubt he would’ve stayed in LA longer if it wasn’t for the tour coming up. The atmosphere around the first few days of rehearsals was different. Everything was off. Maybe it was just the fact that we had all just come back from break but it was just off, it didn’t help we had cameras around all the time. I wasn’t sure  if he would even talk to me about our pending conversation because he was keeping to himself a lot. Any other time I would have been at his side immediately trying to figure out what was wrong or trying to make sure he was ok or even just trying to make him laugh but not this time. If he wanted to talk then here I was. A few days into rehearsals and still no private conversation. Of course leave it to him to select the worst timing. I woke up to a loud banging on my door one night. I looked at the security cameras and got even more upset. _

_ “What the hell” I said opening the door. _

_ “Niall” he shouted and stepped inside. “I told you I was coming, you got my message?” He said taking out his phone from his coat pocket. _

_ “It’s 3 o’clock in the morning of course I am not looking at my phone. What is with you and 3 a.m.?” _

_ “I’m here let’s talk.” _

_ “Have you been drinking?” _

_ “A bit “ _

_ “So you want to have a conversation, you won’t remember tomorrow?” _

_ “Who says I won’t remember?” _

_ “Harry it’s late, I don’t have time for this.” _

_ “You seem to never have time for me Niall.” _

_ “You seem to have the worst timing” _

_ “I think it’s perfect timing.” _

_ “At 3 a.m.?” _

_ “It was a guarantee you would be home.” _

_ “You have been in town for days if you wanted to talk you had plenty of time to do so.” _

_ “You are never home.” _

_ “How would you know?” _

_ “You don’t think I have been coming here looking for you?” _

_ I looked at him confused. “What?” _

_ “Exactly, you didn’t know that did you?! And why would you. All you ever think about is all the wrong things I have done.  But I did come for two evenings in a row, I came here looking for you and you weren't home.” _

_ “You know we have been seeing each other every day at work, right?” _

_ “Is that what you want Niall? You want me to just come up to you with everyone around and all the film crew?” _

_ I stayed quiet. I hated he was right. A DVD was in the making and cameras were always around. _

_ “Yeah let’s just get everyone together and have them record us as we talk. Yeah maybe I could have found some time to try and get to you but I didn’t know how to talk to you. These couple of months have been torture for me. I wondered why you walked out of your own place so upset.” _

_ He took off his black coat and threw it on the couch. He started pacing back and forth in front of me as I just stood there staring at him as he talked and moved his hands from his head and back down as if remembering everything. _

_ “Look Harry” _

_ “No let me finish” he said. He removed his green scarf off his head and let his now long hair fall over his face. _

_ “That day you left you told me that it didn’t matter that nothing happened. Do you remember? But I should have known better, just by the look on your face I should have known I had done something. I’ve done many things Niall, but seeing you walk out so...so broken was the worst thing to me.” _

_ “So your automatic thought was what? To go to LA and see her.” _

_ “Niall, that wasn’t even the case.” _

_ “So you’re telling me you didn’t go to her?” _

_ “I didn’t. Yes I left, yes I saw her but I didn’t go down there for her. But why does that even matter.” _

_ “You know what? It doesn’t even matter you can go and do whatever or whoever you want.” _

_ “This is not the way I pictured this conversation would go.” He said. _

_ “Oh, I’m sorry that I don’t meet your expectations. What did you think would happen Harry? You would come here at 3 a.m, be your charming self and that we would just kiss and make-up?” _

_ He looked at me and I shook my head, hearing the words back to myself that I had just told him. Of course I didn’t mean it literally. _

_ “That’s not what I mean.” I said. _

_ “I did” he said shyly. _

_ “What?” _

_ He stepped close to me. “I mean I expected I would come here, we would talk things through, maybe have a laugh and go back to how we were. I miss you Niall.” _

_ I missed him too, not sure if the same way he missed me. I stepped back  away from him. _

_ “Fine Harry, we are fine. All is well. Everything is back to normal.” _

_ “That’s it?” _

_ “What else do you want? It’s 3 a.m I am tired and I am definitely  tired of your games. You are drunk it’s enough for tonight.” _

_ He nodded. He picked up his scar and coat. “See you at the shoot. Can’t play games” he said and left. _

_ I knew that wouldn’t be the end of things and I was right.  He sent out a message the way he was used. It was about not playing games with people who didn't play games and of course he was being vague as he tended to be on social media but I knew it was meant for me. _

 

_ \------ _

 

_ The day of our video shoot was a horrible day. One of the coldest days. I was glad to be done and over with that day. I felt bad for him he was not enjoying it at all. Our rehearsals for the upcoming shows continued and I had made up my mind I would finally talk to him but the filming crew was always around and I knew since him and I had not had any interaction if I was to even come close to him they would be there. _

_ “What’s up with Harry?” Liam asked one day. _

_ “I dunno” I told him. I always knew when something was going on with his life and this time it could be my fault he was this way but I couldn’t say that to Liam or to anyone else. How do you explain what someone is going through when you haven’t spoken to them in days? He would sit in the corner trying to play the guitar. He was getting better at it. He would change to different songs, some I would recognize others I did not. When he was done with the guitar he would move on to a different instrument, the piano was another one he liked. Liam walked over to him as he played. _

_ “Harry what are you playing?” Liam asked.  _

_ “Nothing really.” _

_ “What song is that? It sounds so sad. Did you write that?” _

_ “I wrote some of the words to it but Johan and Peter did some of the melody.” _

_ “Is that for the group?” _

_ “Uh...No,” he said embarrassed “Someone already took it.” _

_ “Play it again” Liam asked. _

_ Harry looked around the filming crew. “Another time Liam” _

_ “Do you have the lyrics, can I read them?” _

_ “Uh, sure” he said walking over to his bag, taking out his journal and showing Liam. _

_ He wrote down lyrics, poems, ideas in that journal. I remember seeing it once when he was writing for Midnight Memories. _

_ “Harry” Liam exclaimed and hugged him. “This is amazing. So much emotion.” _

_ “Thank you” _

_ “Personal?” Liam asked. _

_ “Is there any other way to write?” _

_ I wanted to read the lyrics too. I wanted to take his entire journal and read it. He wasn’t good as saying what he truly wanted to say- to give him credit he was working on it- but I knew how his words on paper were. He released everything he wanted, to a pen and paper. Louis walked over and took a read too. I stayed behind and strummed the guitar. _

_ “Intense” Louis said. “Is this more you or Johan?” _

_ “The writing you mean? Me I guess.” _

_ “Who is she?” Liam asked. _

_ “What?” _

_ “Who is the girl you are writing about?” _

_ The song was about a girl. It must be about her. Who else would it be? He must have written it when he was in LA with her. _

_ “Or who is they guy?” Louis asked. _

_ Liam looked at Louis in shock.  “Tommo” he exclaimed. _

_ “What he knows, I’m teasing.” Louis looked around the room. “Sorry mate it’s just the words on here.” _

_ “It’s OK” Harry responded. “I know what you mean. I had to write it for a girl.” _

_ “You mean the artist is a girl?” Liam asked. Harry nodded. _

_ “Oh” Louis said. “That’s magic Harry, that song is really good.” _

_ “Thank you.” _

_ “Did she record it already?” _

_ “Yes” _

_ “Any songs for this album?” Liam asked. _

_ “I have a few and I have been working on one that I want to show Julian see if it works with the album. I am almost done with it” Harry flipped through his journal for Liam to read. _

_ “Oh I like this.” _

_ “I’m thinking a bit more of an upbeat thing, almost like Diana vibe but with more electric guitar since Niall is amazing with guitar.” he said. _

_ “Nialler come here.” Liam called “Come look at this song” _

_ I walked over and read the beginning few lines. A lot of broken hearts drawings on the margin on the page. _

_ “What do you think Niall?” Harry asked. I looked up at him. His green eyes staring back at me. His writing was even better than I thought. _

_ “I want to hear the melody” _

_ “I’ll show it to you one day.” Harry said. _

_ “Alright.” _

_ “Harry show him the other one” Liam said shoving Harry’s journal in my face. _

_ “We should get back to rehearsals” he said _

_ “You can show me later” I told him. _

_ “Yeah of course” _

_ “Let’s try those harmonies again” Helene called out. _

_ Liam handed Harry his journal and walked over to Helene. _

_ “So” I said as Harry put his journal back in his bag. _

_ “Yeah?” _

_ Before I could say anything the filming crew walked over to us.  _

_ “Great song” I said and put my fist up which he touched with his. _

_ “Thank you.” _

_ The dynamic of the rest of the rehearsals changed. We were back. All of us. We only had a few more to go and then touring would be set to begin. Though Harry and I were finally getting along again, there was still some tension at times, our joking around had stopped and I knew everyone could see the difference but it was better than it was. We had to find a way to surpass all of this. I decided I had to do something about it. We were due for a few days off, for a quick break and this time with no cameras. _

_ “Harry” I yelled stopping him before he left. “Are you going to be in town for the break?” _

_ “No, I’m going back to LA.” _

_ “Oh”  _

_ “Why?” _

_ “I wanted to see if you wanted to come over for dinner sometime” _

_ “I can tonight” _

_ “Tonight? I have nothing prepared.” _

_ “I’ll pick up something on the way” _

_ “We can just do it when you get back” _

_ “No, its ok. I can do it tonight.” _

_ “Are you sure?” _

_ He laughed. “Yeah” _

_ “What if we argue? Then you will have a bad trip.” _

_ “Are you planning for us to argue?” he asked. _

_ “I figured we got to talk and I just don’t want to ruin your trip. Let’s just get together when you come back.” _

_ He laughed. “We are talking not arguing Niall. Tonight it is.” _

_ “Alright , see you at my place.” I said walking away. I hurried over to my car and headed home. I wasn't sure how long it would take him to pick-up food and make it home but I hurried over. I was coming out of the shower when I heard a knock on the door. I wrapped a towel around my waist and opened the front door. _

_ He looked at me up and down and smiled. “Is this your definition of talking?” _

_ “Shut up” I said “I just got out of the shower.” _

_ He stepped inside carrying two brown bags. _

_ “Make yourself comfortable I am just going to put some clothes on.” _

_ “If you have to” he said as I walked to my room. _

_ When I came back he had taken the contents out of the bags and he was sitting on the floor with no shoes. He had brought some beers along with him too already drinking his own. _

_ “Do you want to eat or just get right into it?” he asked. _

_ “Into what?” _

_ “Whatever argument you say we are having.” _

_ “I’m hungry so let’s just eat.” I said turning on the telly. _

_ “Alright” he said and handed me a beer and a container of food.  One of my favorites, Chinese. _

_ “Cheers” he said touching my beer.  _

_ I started at my container with food. I had been craving it for days. _

_ “What? You don’t want any? Want me to go get something else?” _

_ “No of course I do want some.” _

_ “Then what is it?” _

_ “Taking a moment to appreciate the food, Harry”  _

_ He shook his head and laughed. _

_ “Thank you for bringing it. I’ve been wanting some Chinese all week.” _

_ “Me too and you’re welcome.” _

_ We continued eating and drinking in silence. Every once in awhile I could see him through the corner of my eye watching me. Our arms would brush each other sometimes as we grabbed more food. We both reached for the same fortune cookie my hand clasping over his. _

_ “I’m sorry” he said, taking his hand away quickly. _

_ “You touched it, it's yours” I said grabbing another cookie on the table. _

_ “What does it matter if I touched it?” _

_ “Well now it has your fortune so it's yours.” _

_ “Niall, you do know they pre-package the cookies ahead of time?” _

_ “But you touched it, it belongs to you” _

_ “Ok, lets see what my fortune says”  _

_ “No, eat the cookie first.” _

_ “Why?” _

_ “If you don’t then the fortune won't come true.” _

_ “What if it's a bad fortune?” _

_ Why was he so difficult. I stared at him annoyed. _

_ “Fine, ok you win” he said taking the cookie in pieces and putting it in his mouth. I ate mine first and waited for him to finish. _

_ “Now, can I read it?” _

_ “Yes” _

_ He read his fortune and smiled. _

_ “What does it say?” _

_ “What does yours say?” _

_ “I asked you first” _

_ “I asked you second.” _

_ I rolled my eyes. “ Take the chance while you still have the choice” _

_ “True” _

_ “Alright get on with it, what’s yours?” _

_ “So glad I ate the cookie first for this fortune.” _

_ “Shut up, stop making fun and read it already.” _

_ “ Love because it is the only true adventure.  I think i like yours better” _

_ “Why?” _

_ “Because it's about taking chances and how we should take them.” _

_ “Yours is about love and adventure” _

_ “One in the same” _

_ “What?” _

_ “Nothing, I’ve missed this Niall” he said pointing back and forth between him and I. _

_ “Yeah me too” _

_ “I’ve missed us” _

_ “It has been a while” _

_ “I’ve missed you” _

_ “Tour is coming up, you will be fed up with me in no time.” I said. _

_ “I doubt it” he said. “Are you done eating?” _

_ “Yes” _

_ “So we can talk now?” _

_ “Is that what you want to do?” I asked him.” _

_ “What I really want, it might not be, so I’ll take what I can.” _

_ “What are you a fortune cookie?” _

_ He laughed. “Maybe it's the alcohol getting to me” _

_ “For all the drinking you have been doing lately I would think your tolerance was higher now.” _

_ “All the drinking? You have been keeping track of me Niall?” _

_ “I’ve noticed you have been drinking a few here and there, plus coming here a few weeks ago drunk, remember that?” _

_ He smiled. “Sorry about that, actually sorry about everything.” _

_ “I’ve been thinking about everything too and I’m sorry for walking out like I did. I should’ve stayed and talked it over.” _

_ “No, I understand why you left Niall. I crossed the line, the boundary we had. I know I broke it.” _

_ “Harry, it wasn’t all you. I had fault in it too. I think I was mad at myself.” _

_ “At yourself, why? You didn’t do anything.” _

_ “Exactly, I should have stopped it. You were drunk.” _

_ He stared at me wanting to say something but I could tell he was holding back. _

_ “What is it?” _

_ He shook his head. _

_ “Harry this is it we need to talk this through. How are we able to go back to how things were?” _

_ “It's just that…” _

_ “What?” I asked putting my hand on his shoulder. _

_ “I can’t have you not want to talk to me or for this weirdness between us or that you just don’t want to deal with me anymore Niall.” _

_ “Harry, what do you mean? Say it.” _

_ “I think it was only a matter of time before I kissed you, drunk or not.” _

_ I took my hand away. _

_ “See you already feel weird, don’t you?” _

_ “No, it's just that, are you saying you wanted to kiss me?” _

_ “Yes” he said looking down at his hands. “After I was in LA I kept thinking about that night and was having trouble remembering. Before coming back for the Brits I started having “dreams” or so i thought they were dreams and I kept thinking these dreams were happening because we were all going to see each other again. Then I saw you that night and my dream kept coming to my mind. But it brought with it these feelings.” _

_ “Feelings?” _

_ “Like of happiness or I don’t know what they were or how to describe it. I wanted to talk to you about it because I didn’t think you were still mad at me but you were. Then Louis mentioned that I made you dance and I remembered my dream. I talked to Louis and asked what he remembered of that night. He told me and I knew my dream was real. I have been wanting to talk to you to apologize for making you feel so uncomfortable for causing you this pain. Niall, I am sorry for that. But I can’t take back what I did and to be truthfully honest I don’t want to.” _

_ “So you remember everything from that night?” _

_ He nodded. I wanted him to know what happened for so long and now that he remembered I felt so embarrassed.  _

_ “I’m sorry, I let you down Niall. It was never my intention for things to get so out of hand.” _

_ “I should have of just told you what happened and it would of saved both of us all these months of awkwardness. But you understand why i didn’t tell you, don’t you?” _

_ “Disgust” _

_ “No Harry, would you have believed me if I told you, you kissed me and that you laid in bed with me drunk?” _

_ “Yes I would have. Niall this is going to sound so wrong but I’ve wanted to kiss you since the days I spent with you at your house.” _

_ “That long?” _

_ “Yes, back then I thought it was just a boy being curious so i put those thoughts away and it worked but I guess they didn’t stay away long enough.” _

_ “So it was a curiosity thing?” _

_ “It was then. Now? I don’t know. Can I ask you something?” _

_ “What?” _

_ “There is one thing in my dream that I’m not sure if it's real or just if it was just my imagination because it could be my imagination.” _

_ I gulped. “What is it?” _

_ “You kissed me back?” _

_ I nodded. _

_ “Oh” _

_ We sat there in silence. I wasn’t sure what to say to him. I didn’t know what he wanted or needed to hear from me. _

_ “Are you and Selena dating?” he asked after a while. _

_ “No” _

_ “I saw you were with her several times.” _

_ “Yeah but not like that. She is a friend.” _

_ “I’m your friend.” _

_ "You are” _

_ “Do you want to talk about it?” _

_ I knew what he meant by “it”. “I dunno, what is there to say?” _

_ He shrugged. “Were you surprised?” _

_ “That’s an understatement. I never thought you would do something like that.” _

_ “Right, did you…” _

_ “What?” _

_ “Did you like it?” _

_ I shrugged. _

_ “It’s ok if you didn’t.” _

_ “Did you?” _

_ “Well actually can I tell you something?” _

_ “Of course” _

_ “I know it happened but I don’t remember how it felt.” _

_ “Oh” _

_ “Niall?” I kept my eyes on him. His hands came up to hold my face in between them. “I’m not drunk” he whispered. “Can I just remember how it was?” He inched close to my face. “You can say no” _

_ My throat went dry. All I could do was stare at his lips coming closer. Those full lips. _

_ “I’m just curious, can I try again?” he brought his eyes to look into mine. “Can I” he whispered almost in a hiss. _

_ “Harry, I can’t think” _

_ “You don’t have to think Niall. Just this last time.” _

_ “Last time?” I managed to choke out. _

_ He nodded. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. “Alright” I finally said. _

_ His thumbs stroke my cheeks. I closed my eyes. I could feel his face was close, his warm breathing brushing my lips. I wondered if he changed his mind, it felt like forever until his lips were pressing against mine, he held his lips on mine for a few seconds. A small peck. I opened my eyes and stared into his green bigs eyes. He smiled and let go of my face. _

_ “That’s it?” I asked in shocked. _

_ He looked at me confused. “What?” _

_ “That’s not how you kissed me that night.” _

_ “Oh, I just thought maybe you would not want me to.” _

_ “I said Alright didn’t I?” _

_ He bit down on his lip. “Then shall I try again?” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. Thank you for reading...any errors found are all mine. Sorry about them. Happy Holidays.


	7. Chapter 7

“Niall”

“Yes”

“Niall”

“Kiss me”

“Niall!”

I opened my eyes.

“Are you alright?”

“What? What happened?”

“You fell asleep.”

“Deo, Sorry man.”

“I was getting ready to leave but you started talking. I thought you were having a nightmare.”

“You leaving?”

“Yeah, I still have to pack.”

“Oh, right.” I walked Deo to the front door. “See you tomorrow then.”

“Alright”

“Oh, who were you dreaming about?”

  
“Huh?”

“The girl, you were asking her to kiss you?”

“Kiss me?”

“Yeah, who was she?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I don’t remember.”

I wanted to laugh at the fact he said _she_  and that it was a dream _she_  was in. But it wasn’t _she_  and I knew it wasn’t a dream. How can I dream how his lips felt against mine? How softly he kissed me. How our lips felt like they were made for one another? How it felt to put my fingers through his hair. How I could taste him against my tongue. There was no dream that could make up all those things. Fuck I hated myself for allowing, more like requesting another kiss. It could have ended there with the one. It would have made everything less complicated, we wouldn’t be going through what we are going through now. It should have been an experiment a one time experiment and only that.

It was nearly midnight and I had not done one bit of packing. I headed into my room and brought the suitcase to the bed, slowly I began to fill it with my clothes. I was going to be gone a while so I had to make sure to pack everything I could need. I was nearly done when I hear the doorbell ring. I should have stopped and looked at the monitors before opening the door but I didn’t.

“Hi” he said sheepishly. “Can I come in?”

“Harry” I said confused but instinctively moved aside from the door to let him in. He removed his coat as he walked inside. I followed him until we had reached the living room and he dropped his coat on the couch. He stopped and turned to look at me.  I stared at him and focused my eyes on his lips remembering my most recent memory. I wanted to put my arms around him and press my lips against his to avoid any words that may come from his beautiful mouth. He watched me closely as if trying to read the thoughts going through in my mind.

“Niall” he said almost in a whisper.

I wanted to tell him to Fuck off and leave. How dare he come to my house, so late at night with his tousled hair and trying to look like a hurt puppy when all he really was, was a dog. But my name slipping through his lips the way it just did made me shiver. I had to stand my ground. 

“What are you doing here?” I asked a little more harshly.

“I had to see you. I took a gamble hoping you were home and you are. You told me you were not going to be in town.”

“I’m not”

“Niall” he started.

“What do you want Harry?”

“You” he said not taking his eyes off me.

“Screw you Harry. You do this shit all the time we have a break. You leave then come back and every single time I Am waiting for you. Not this time. I’m not waiting.”

“Niall, I’m not asking you to wait, and yes I know I always leave but..”

“But what Harry? You didn’t get enough with her so you come to me. Fuck you.”

“You’re mad at me for leaving with her! While you did the same?”

“I left on a freaking boat? When?”

“Not a boat”

“Yacht whatever that shit was”

“No!” He yelled “What I mean is you left with her. I saw you two together even before I left. I know I have no right to tell you anything.”

“No you don’t. You told me the trip was off.” I yelled.

“Niall, I told you we couldn’t do the trip after the break.”

“Exactly”

“That didn’t mean it was off. We just needed to push off on the dates. Why do you always go around twisting my words.”

“You know what? I’m tired of your twisted words. You being so vague with everything you say Harry. If you mean something say it.”

“You don’t think that is what I try to do? I try Niall, believe me I’m trying but with you it’s so hard.”

“If things are so hard then why even keep trying? You were gone with her. Everything was done and over with, you didn’t have to come here and “keep trying”. You should've just kept with her”

“I told you what I was doing. I told you.”

“And that makes it better.”

“Did you tell me about your plans? No! You went out with her several times. Why?”

I wanted to yell to him and tell him that I did it to piss him off because I knew how much it would bother him. But I had no right to do it. I had no right to try and make him jealous. He didn’t belong to me. He never did.

“Niall, I am here because I want this”

“What?”

“I want this between you and I. These past two years have been amazing. But the fact that you can just go to her or any of them anytime you want is killing me.”

“Look Harry”

“Wait please Niall let me get this out.”

“No” I exclaimed. “Not right now, not today Harry.”

“Then when? We have been doing this back and forth thing between us”

“I think you were right before, we need a break”

“A break?”

“Yes. I know that this” I said pointing at him and me. “has been fun.”

“Fun?” 

“Yes, I never expected it to turn out the way things turned out. Harry you made me feel things I had never felt before. Things that I never thought I could or would.”

“I feel the same.” He said “Then why end this?”

“What is this really?” I asked.

“Something more than fun.”

“I didn’t mean it that way. I just mean everything we have been through the past two years was something new, something great and exciting but every end of the year we turn back to our old habits.”

“Old habits that I want us to break….together”

“Harry, I can’t ask you to stop doing what you have been doing.”

“You are not asking me, I’m telling you.”

“But you can’t ask me to do the same because  then what? We go on like nothing? Like our decision doesn’t affect anyone else? I don’t know if I am ready for all of that.”

“So you don’t want to be with me?”

“I am not saying that.”

“It’s what you're implying. You had _fun_ as you described it for the past two years but you don’t want this to be anything more than that.”

“Harry these feelings…”

“Wait. Niall, you don’t think I’m scared? Of course I am.”

“These past few days have been hard for me. It blows my mind every time I think I am missing you. It throws me off.” I told him. “ I have been thinking of the past how we got to this moment. From the first drunk kiss.”

“Me too” he said. “I was thinking the other day of what I considered to be the first official kiss I gave you. Do you remember? We were sitting here on the floor.” he said getting down and sitting in the same spot. “I asked you if I could kiss you.”

I walked over and sat in front of him. “After the fortune cookie.” I whispered.

“Yeah” he blushed. “I told you I didn’t remember how the kiss felt and that I wanted to remember.”

“You said it would be the last time you would kiss me.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, I guess I lied about that too.”

“Too?”

“I did remember the drunken kiss.”

“What?”

“No not like the day after, I remembered until I talked to Louis that one night. I remembered exactly how your lips felt under mine. How they trembled unsure if you should allow me to kiss you. I should have stopped when you asked me to but I was glad I was to much of a stubborn drunk to listen to you because you kissed me back.” He took my hand as he continued “Then I had the opportunity to be alone with you again. We were talking about the kiss and all I could think about was wanting to kiss you again. I knew you wouldn’t let me keep drinking just so I could try and kiss you again. So I asked you if you liked it and you didn’t say no. I took a chance with hopes you would let me kiss you. I needed to taste your lips again to know my dream was real. I needed it more than anything I ever needed before. You have to understand Niall, just because I told you that night that I had been wanting to kiss you for so long didn’t mean I understood what I was feeling myself. But after that kiss. I knew I couldn't help how you made me feel. Remember Brazil?”

I smiled. “Yeah”

“I know sometimes it seems that I’m joking with you about feelings or that I don’t like to express them or explain them a better way for you to understand them but I do have them Niall. I do. I am afraid sometimes to how you can respond.”

“Harry, things have been flipped upside down and I just don’t know what to think anymore. I don’t know what it is I feel.”

“I understand. I’ll give you some space but know that I am not giving up not until you tell me there is no chance.”

I shook my head unsure of what to say. But I was glad he said it, I didn’t want him to give up. I just needed to sort through everything.

“Are you really going out of town?” he asked.

“Yes”

“For how long?”

“Dunno yet”

“Nick is throwing a dinner for me in week, like a small party if you can make it.”

“I don’t think I will be in town.”

“So is this it?” he asked. “Will I see you before you leave?”

“I leave tomorrow?”

“Oh”

I hated that I was wishing he would ask if he could come with me. I knew I wasn’t thinking straight because I was ready to tell him the hell with everyone and everything else and just for us to go back to our own private bubble. But I had to give us space, I had to know if these past years were just a curiosity thing or if this was real.

“Niall?”

“Yeah”

“If this is the last time things will be like this between us. Can you please hold me?”

“Harry please”

“Niall, please. Hold me. Just hold me nothing else. I promise.”

  
I was weak when it came to him and I think he knew that. I extended my arms and he fell right in. I wrapped my arms around him until he had nestled himself against my chest as he had done some many times before. I didn’t realize how much I needed this tonight too. How I missed him in my arms. He always knew how to hide his feelings but when it came to him being in my arms, I knew exactly what he needed because deep down I knew I needed it too. 


	8. Chapter 8

How did I let him go? Why didn’t I try to listen to him? See where he wanted to go from here. He was asking me to keep going, he was telling me he wanted to save what we had. Why was I so stubborn? Now we will be apart for who knows how long and that will be my fault. Not his but mine. How could I just reach out to him now and tell him I was wrong? Tell him I wanted this to work too. The fear of what would come after we decided to be together should have been smaller than the feeling of what I felt when we were together. He said he was scared too and I should of been there for him and told him he didn’t have to be scared because no matter what we would have each other. Was I enough for him? Were we enough together for whatever craziness was to come afterwards? Now I did not know. But what was done was done, too late now. I would be gone for some time and so was he. He had his days planned out now and so did I. One day we would see each other again.

-

It had been only a few days since the last time we had seen each other and the celebration Nick was throwing for him was coming up. I couldn’t bring myself to go and celebrate with him not after the way I ended things. Nick had messaged me to remind me of the party but even if I grew the strength to go and swallowed my pride, I was in California and it was better for me to continue my stay here. I was coming down with a cold or something. I had a bad cough for the past 2 days. He found out I was sick, I actually figured he would.

_ Have you taken any medicine? _ He text me.

_ Yes. _ I replied.

H:  _ Good. Rest up. Feel better. _

_ Thank you. _

H:  _ Of Course. _

Why couldn’t he just say “You’re Welcome” like a normal person, then again he wasn’t normal. 

H:  _ Nick is having a get together tomorrow night, be good if you could make it. _

_ I’m not in London. _

H:  _ Are you too far to fly in? _

_ Yes, i wouldn’t make in time. _

H:  _ Alright. Next time. _

I felt bad I couldn’t be there with him especially because I truly wanted to be there to celebrate, celebrate him.

The next night Nick reached out to me as well.

N:  _ You coming? _

_ No, I can’t make it. Down with a cough. _

N:  _ Just come down for a bit, it will mean a lot to him. _

What did he know what “a lot” meant to Harry? Yes they were close friends but nothing else. At least nothing else that I knew of.    


_ Out of town, sorry mate. _

N:  _ Alright then, he will just have to drink with me and I’ll make sure he has some fun. _

I was annoyed at his message. He wants Harry to drink because I am sure he knows Harry let’s down his barriers when he drinks. What if Harry gave him a drunk kiss tonight? Or any other night? Fuck. This was my fault. I made him be there tonight alone. What if he wanted to move on from me now? He could be with someone who is more open to the idea. Someone who has been his friend for so many years. You screwed up now Niall, you just sent him directly to Nick.

_ Enjoy your celebration tonight, sorry I can’t make it.  _ I sent to Harry. I waited for his response but nothing came. An hour passed by and I still had no response. Had he already moved on? Was he upset that I couldn’t make it? Was he too busy with Nick now? My mind is my worst enemy sometimes. I just couldn’t let it go, I couldn’t let him go. I reached out to Nick, if he didn’t answer then they were together.

_ Is he pissed yet? _

N:  _ No, but the night is still young.  _ He  replied back along with a picture of them together. Harry was trying to hide his face from the camera. At least they were still at the restaurant.

_ Why is he hiding his face? _

Nick must have told him the picture was for me or that I was asking about him because he replied to my earlier message.

H: _ Thank you. _

_ Are you having fun? _

H:  _ I’am, Thank you. _

_ Good. Make sure to have a drink for me. _

H:  _ I rather have a drink with you. _

That made me smile. .

_ I don’t think you can handle my drinkin. _

H:  _ Don’t underestimate my powers. _

_ Oh you have powers now? Drinking powers at that. _

H:  _ Among others. _

_ I didn’t know I was dealing with Harry….Potter. _

H:  _ An all mighty wizard. _

_ We will have to put your power to the test some day. _

H:  _ If only you were here now _

_ Sorry about that, I’ll make it up to you. _

H:  _ Promise? _

_ Promise. _

H:  _ Is it wrong to tell you that I miss you. _

_ As wrong as it is to tell you that I miss you. _

There I said it, I missed him and now he knew  it too.

H:  _ It's never wrong to tell me you miss me. _

_ Well now you know, sorry for taking you away from your party. Go. _

H:  _ Not when you are finally being honest with me. Can I see you? _

_ Remember I am not in town. _

H:  _ Where are you? _

_ California but I leave the day after tomorrow. _

H:  _ LA? _

_ Yes, but get back to your dinner stop talking to me. _

H:  _ I rather talk to you. So how much do you miss me? _

_ Harry, it's rude. You have Nick and everyone waiting. _

H:  _ You want me to pay attention to Nick? _

_ No! _

H:  _ Are you jealous? _

_ Shut up _

H:  _ I will take that as a yes. _

_ You do know you have other guest there too and they are probably thinking you’re rude. _

H:  _ Possibly. But answer my question. _

_ Annoying one aren’t you? _

H:  _ Of course but I already know that….I’m waiting. _

_ Fine! I miss you plenty. _

H:  _ Now was that so hard. When are you back in town? _

_ Dunno it's going to be a while. _

H:  _ Do you want to see me? _

_ Not even going to lie, of course I do. _

H:  _ Okay. _

_ Okay what? _

H:  _ I’ll see you tomorrow. _

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. its not much but here is the new update. I have been writing and I am just debating into adding all the chapters into 1 and doing a full upload or still go chapter by chapter. i think I up to chapter 16. Debating if that will be the end or not. My head is so jumbled with so many ideas and i started a few other one shots that I am just trying to get them all together correctly.
> 
> Anyway here is the update. Any errors are mine.

I could barely sleep that night waiting with such anticipation. What if he didn’t make it before I was set to leave? I could always push my trip one day but what would I tell the rest of the guys? I guess I could send them ahead without me. How desperate would I look if I ended up staying an extra day for him? I didn’t really care at this point. I wanted to see him. Even if it was for a few hours, with this break I would take what I could get. The boys and I went out for a quick bite to eat.

“Niall are we going to the club tonight since it's our last night here?” Willie asked.

“You all can go without me”

“Not the same”

“This cough still has me down, gonna need some rest before we head out.”

“What are you going to do? Spend all day at the hotel?”

“I dunno maybe.”

My phone went off and quickly I checked it.

“Why do you keep looking at your phone every time it goes off?”

“I keep getting some emails from management.” I lied. I was waiting to hear any kind of news from him.

“Might need to go see Louis since he is in town too”

“Tell him to come out tonight then”

“Not sure if I am even going yet but I will ask him if I see him.”

My phone went off again.

_ Just landed. Meet me at my place. -H _

 

He was here. He really did come. For me. 

“Hey not gonna make it to the club tonight. Go on without me.” I said getting up from the table. 

“Where are you going?” they called out behind me.

 

“Out”I simply yelled back. Adrenaline had hit my body. I felt a heavy rush consume me. I had to get to his place before him. I felt bad just leaving the guys there but how could I explain this to them? This feeling that has been eating at me forever. This feeling that took me so long to understand or accept. A feeling I had never thought would happened. A feeling that yeah scared me.

_ Chaos at the airport. Feeling lost searching for my car but I will be there soon as I can. -H _

 

I took the car I had rented and drove to his place. Not many knew of this home. He had it registered under another name. It was after all his sanctuary. It was a good neighborhood might be good to get a place of my own here too. I arrived at his house and realized I did not have a key to go inside.

_ At your place don’t have your key lock for the gate. _

_ Your birthday-  _ he replied. He couldn’t be serious I thought. But I punched it in and the gate door began to open. Jesus Christ he was serious.

_ Key under the blue flower pot. _

Indeed it was. Though I knew it had been a while since the last time he was here the house still smelled of him. Felt like he had just been here. I walked over to the back of the house and looked outside. The blue ocean just near by. Near the window stood his piano and beside that his new guitar. I grabbed it and stroke it's strings. 

“Out of tune” I said and began to fix it.

“It would seem I still need more lessons.”

I looked up and he was standing a few feet away. His long hair hanging down over his white fitted shirt, his black jeans fitting him snug in all the right places. My throat went dry at the thought. His brown bag still hanging over his shoulder. I put the guitar down and just stared at him. He gave me his dimple smile.

“Hi” he breathed.

“Hi”

“So” he said.

“So”

“How long until this isn’t awkward?”

I shrugged my shoulders. He dropped his bag on the floor and walked towards me. “It’s not the first time we have met to see each other.”

He took my hand, holding it just barely from my fingers. “Niall you are shaking” he said looking down at my hands and taking me into a hug.

“Don’t worry no matter what I’m here for you. I’ve got you.” he whispered into my ear repeating the words he said to me back in December before I had to face the fact I was probably ending up with a tattoo. I wrapped my arms around his waist holding him close to me. He was right. There was nothing I needed to worry about he was here now. He was here with me, for me. We stood there who knows for how long but we held each other. My face nestled in the nook of his neck smelling his delicious skin.

“Do you want to go sit down?” he asked. I let him go reluctantly but followed him to the couch.

“Hi” he said again as I sat next to him.

I smiled. “Hello”

“So you missed me?”

I rolled my eyes. “Are you going to keep bringing that up against me?”

He chuckled. “Anytime I can.”

He took my hand and entwined his fingers against mine. 

“The truth is I have been missing you longer, it was only a matter of time until I showed up at your door again.”

“At 3 a.m?”

“Yeah, most likely. Would you have let me in?” He asked.

“Yeah, most likely. When you like someone you can have a moment of weakness, with you I have plenty of those moments.”

“So you like me?” he asked raising his eyebrows.

“Sometimes”

The doorbell rang. I quickly took my hand away and moved down a bit from him. He looked at me confused but shook his head and smiled. 

“I ordered food on my way home that must be it.”

“Sorry” I said as he walked to the front door. He returned with a box of pizza. He placed the box on the table in the middle of the room.

“I’ll get some plates. What do you want to drink?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

 

“I’ll see if I have that” he answered jokingly. I got up and followed him to his kitchen. He grabbed the plates and handed them to me. We walked over to the fridge and looked inside. It was already packed with his favorite things.

“Beer?” I asked seeing the six pack on the top shelf.

“I had some brought in last night for you. I wasn’t due to be in town for another week.”

“Oh”

“Here” he said handing me a beer. He threw me off when he kissed my cheek.

“I see your look of confusion.” he said.

“No, not confusion.”

“You are just not ready for this?”

“I am, at least I think I am”

He grabbed a bottle of water for himself and we walked back to the pizza.

“I don’t blame you if you were confused, it's not like things are easy for me too.”

“Fooled me.” I said taking a bite of the pizza.

“Yeah, fools me at times too but what I know now is that I don’t want to waste anymore time fighting myself or being confused. I want to enjoy any minutes, hours, days, months or years that I can feel the way I feel when I’m with you.”

“Then why did you cancel our trip?”

“We were doing so much better than ever and by then I already knew my feelings for you had changed. I didn’t want anything to ruin it. If one picture came out of us on vacation I was afraid of what would come from that. I wanted things to be better for us not worse. It's not the same as if I was seen with any of the others you and I are different.”

“Except with Louis, the world would of had a frenzy with that.”

“True but it would have not matter. We would come back like nothing but you I was afraid it would push you away. Niall, I can’t lose you.”

“Really?” I asked.

“Yes, it's not like I can help it.”

“What do you mean?”

“My heart has already decided for me. I mean I’m sure feelings were there before and at first it was fun, new exciting. I tried to make sense of things when things for us were so new. Plus we were on tour so we were always together part of me kept thinking it was because you were there. Then in April it truly hit me how my feelings for you were, well more.”

“More?”

“Yeah, I remember exactly when it was. We were off for a few weeks and every time I would close my eyes you were there. We were talking one day and I thought you made a comment about you wishing I was in London and I wasn’t sure if I heard you right so I asked you if you wanted me there, remember?”

“Yeah, and you were right I had said that and I took back my comment. I changed it saying that once you were in London we should go golfing but to enjoy your time in LA.”

“Yeah, i let your comment go. Figured you maybe did not feel the same that I had my signs confused. I didn’t want to scare you away with what I felt for you.”

“You should have told me.”

“But how was I to know you really wanted me there? You say it’s hard for you to understand what I mean sometimes but it not that easy being on this side too.”

“I know I guess I was denying my feelings to myself as well. I’ve dated girls and I just didn’t understand myself why I was so attracted to you”

“Was it my charm?” he said giving me his full blown smile.

“Idiot” I said. He tightened his fingers on mine.

“I know what you mean. Scary isn’t it how we went from curious kids to this.” he said holding our hands up.

“I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared.”

“Yeah me too.”

 

We continued eating in silence for a bit. I was glad we had pizza he didn’t have to let go of my hand as we ate. Made it feel more real.

“So it was last year for you when it all sort of sunk in?” I asked.

“More like it was last year when I finally stopped lying and stopped fighting myself. After our talk that day I wanted to tell you or to try and show how I felt but it was never easy with you. I couldn’t do it over the phone. I went into full writing mode. I had to let what I was feeling out. I scribbled some stuff down and then I went shopping for you.”

“The golf things you sent me?”

“Yes” he answered sheepishly. “You mentioned we should play so I sent those to you for us. Then we saw each other in May and I told myself I would tell you but I didn’t. I had it planned out. I would play you something I had finished a few days before, something I had been working on since April and I hoped it would explain everything. It wasn’t fully done until that night.”

“Was that the night I woke up to you playing on the piano?”

“Yeah” 

“I asked you to play it for me.”

“I know, but I lost my nerve and then you were talking to me about your past weeks, your concert when you went to see James and you had just came back from Portugal.”

“Yeah and then I wouldn’t shut up about it.”

He laughed. “Right, plus we were due to go back on tour again and I figured I had more time.”

“Do you want to play it for me now?”

“What?”

“What you were going to play for me back then?”

“You already heard it.”

“I have?”

He nodded. “It was for you and I should have told you.” He let go off my hand and walked over to the piano by his window.

“Niall” he said before I began to play.

“Yeah” I said as I came and stood behind him.

“Thank you, I wasn’t looking to fall in love but with you love just happened.”

Love. He said Love.

 

He began playing the melody and I knew exactly what song it was. It was one of my favorites. He meant this song was for me, just for me and now it was out there for the world to hear. He began to sing and I couldn’t believe it. And now I was paying attention, I was listening. He was giving me his heart in this song. His voice cracked a little with emotion as he sang. 

 

“Harry” I said and wrapped my arms around him placing my face next to his. He dropped his hands from the piano and grabbed my arms. Holding them tightly against his body.

“Now you know” he said. “I love you Niall James Horan.”

I turned my head and kissed him on the cheek. If he could be brave and open up his heart for me then I could do it too. I let go of my arms around him and turned his body to face me. He looked up from the chair he was sitting on. I ran my fingers through his hair removing the pair of glasses sitting on top. My hands trembled as I touched downs the side of his face, tracing his jaw.

“Niall” he whispered. “You don’t have..”

I placed my finger over his lip and smiled as I brought my lips to his. A very tender kiss, he was probably making sure I really wanted to do this. I couldn’t help my trembling lips. He got up from the chair not releasing the connection of our lips, kissing down at me because of our height. His hands more ready and willing than mine, he placed them on either side of my hips pulling me in close as if the space between us was too much. His hands traveled up to cradle my head in his hands as mine traveled down to grab his waist. A warmth spread throughout my body as the kiss began to deepened. Our lips parting. The taste of Harry and pizza mixed as one. My very own Harry flavored pizza. I couldn’t believe I was has thinking this silly things as we kissed. I smiled at my thoughts. He stopped kissing me. I opened my eyes and he was staring at me confused.

“You alright?” he asked.

I laughed and brought his lips back to mine. Our lips finding back their rhythm immediately as his soft lips were connecting to mine. His tongue asking for permission and I parted my lips to give it access. My tongue meeting his. We broke the apart. He rested his forehead against mine both of us needing to catch our breaths. He smiled at me and I couldn’t help but peck his lips, those warm lips that had just been on mine.

“That was nice” he said.

“Just nice?”

He chuckled and pecked my lips. “I meant you making the move.”

“Oh, it was about time, no?”

“If you felt it was right then yes.” 

"And I am not even drunk." It did feel right. He laughed. I separated our connection and walked back over to the couch.

“Was it something I said?” he said following me.

“I am hungry.” I said taking a bite of my pizza. He laughed and sat on the couch watching me eat. 

“Stop looking at my like that” I said in between bites.

“Like what?”

“I don’t know,  like the that” I said pointing at his face.

“I am just very happy you are here. When do you leave?”

“Tomorrow”

“You can’t stay?”

“No, the lads are here with me too.”

“Where are they now?” 

“I don’t know. I left them at the a restaurant.” I said embarrassed.

“You left them there for me?”

“No”

He smiled. “Liar.”

“I thought you didn’t like calling people a liar.”

“Fibber” he said.

“Idiot.” 

“Hey that’s not nice.” He said moving closer to me and taking my hand. “But it was nice that you came”

“Glad I came too, I got to hear your song.”

“Your song.” he said and leaned in, his lips brushed mine. He was teasing. I grabbed his shirt and pulled him to me. He smiled but took my lips again. I felt a rush kissing him, a rush of adrenaline. The hunger of the kiss grew. I put my hand in his neck deepening the kiss, moving my hands into his hair. I was finding more courage. His hand holding my face in between them, my fingers trailing down his spine finding the bottom of his shirt. I placed my hand underneath his shirt and began to move the shirt up. My body responding to our connection and I could feel the affect it was having on him. I could feel his arousal against my own. The rush I was feeling was still not stopping my brain from going wild. I couldn’t believe I was doing this with him, with Harry. I could feel that my body wanted this but something was also in the back of my mind telling me to stop.

“Niall” he whispered against my lips. “Wait.” 

I stopped my hands and pulled back from his lips.  “What?” I asked. He got up away from me and sat back on the couch. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, you didn’t. Maybe we should slow down.”

I should be upset that he didn’t want to continue but I was glad he stopped me. 

“Sorry” he said. “I just don’t want to rush into this, I mean I want this but..”

“I understand” I told him.

“Niall, I am sorry.” 

I got near him. “Harry you are right we shouldn’t rush this and I am ok with us taking it slow. I just thought you wanted me to…”

“No, I mean I do want it but when we are both ready. I don’t want you to do anything you are not ready to do.”

“How does this work?”

‘’What?”

“You and I. Like what happens to us now?”

“We live this.”

“But what about everyone else?”

“Everyone else doesn’t matter, remember it's still you and I.” he said smiling. “ Are you willing to live a dangerous and unwise relationship with me?”

“So just you and I?”

“What you want to bring someone else into this?”

“No, I mean this will just between you and I? What about Liam and Louis?”

“They can live their own relationship.”

“I mean do we tell them?”

“Do you want to tell them?”

“I do but when the time is right.”

“So where does that leave us?”

“Right where it should be, with only us.” I said pecking his lips.

“So how long will you be gone?”

“Dunno yet. A month maybe.”

“A month?”

“How long are you staying in LA?”

“A few months before I head back to start shooting of the movie”

“So this is it, we won’t see each other for a while?”

“I suppose. Afraid you will miss me?”

“No, afraid you won’t know what to do with yourself once I am gone.”

“True.” He said. “I will miss you.”

“We always have face time."

“Facetime doesn't compare to the real time. Don’t go out there meeting anyone new”

“I can’t promise anyone new won’t meet me.”

“As long as you always come back to me.”

I smiled. “Can I stay here tonight?”

  
“There is no other place I would want you to go”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I went along willingly from the beginning even with the confusion I felt at that time. Maybe it was the adrenaline that he caused me during the shows or the sneaking around, but whatever it was I liked it. At the beginning it was all about fun and everything was too new for me. He was good at keeping secrets, I've gotten better.

Even though I had come into acceptance with myself on the attraction and feelings I had for him it scared me how I felt leaving the next morning.

 “Don’t forget to miss me.” he said as he stood outside the car before I left. 

 “What’s your name again?” I said.

 He put his head inside the car. “Real funny, Horan.” he said and kissed my lips. “Have a fun trip, let me know you get there safe.”

 “I’ll message you when I get there.”

 “Good.”

 

I could see him on the rear view mirror as I drove away and I knew if he would of asked me to stay I would of cancelled my trip and stayed there with him. We tried to be in contact via text as much as possible but with me being 17 hours ahead it sometimes became a burden.  His birthday was coming up so I sent him a little gift. I made sure to tell Anne it would arrive at her house and asked to drop it off at his. I thought he would've spent his birthday in London but was surprised to hear he was not, so his gift would just have to wait for him at his house.  I was leaving Novak’s game when I got a call, before I could say anything immediately I heard his voice. 

 “James, hold on.” he said into the receiver. I stayed quiet and waited. “Hello?” he said after a bit.

 “Hello, how ya doin’?”

 “Hi, I’m good how are you?”

“Me or James?” I asked.

He chuckled. “You”

“Since when do you call me James?”

“Since I had dialed your number and someone came up to me as you answered so I didn’t want to hang up on you.”

“Oh”

“Were you jealous?” he asked.

 “You wish Edward.”

“Edward?”

“Yes, well that’s your name isn’t it?”

“I suppose you are right. Where are you?”

“Leaving Novak’s set.”

“How did he do?”

“Got his win, about to go over to him.”

“Oh really?”

“Jealous?” 

“Very” he said. 

I laughed. 

“Jealous you get to see him and I don’t.” 

“Shut up.” 

“Niall this way” Adam called. 

“Give me a minute” I yelled back.

“You got to go?”

“Yeah, sorry”

“You are on vacation, enjoy it. Hey I’m throwing a festivity on Monday, you think you can make it?” 

“A festivity? You mean a party?”

“Sure” 

“On a Monday?”

“Yes” 

“A party for what?” I asked, though I knew what it was for.

“More like a gathering of people not a party.” 

“I won’t be able to make it, I’d be leaving out form here tomorrow already, sorry.” 

“That’s ok just wanted to let you know in case you would be able to.”

“Niall” Adam called again. 

“I’ll let you get back to your vacation.” he said. 

“Alright, sorry mate.”

“Hmmm, alright. No worries…...Mate. Bye”

 

I really was sorry I couldn’t make it. A few weeks ago I didn’t know where we stood and I had made the plans with all the fellas and it would just be wrong for me to cancel everything with everyone because now we were somewhat more defined. How or what could I say to explain it to them? 

 

I sent him a message on his birthday, I know I should have made the effort to call him that day but I didn’t. I made myself the excuse that I was never sure if he was alone or not but I regretted it now. He thanked me. We went days without talking after that.

 

As I sat one day looking out at the beautiful waves in front of me as they hit the shore, while the sand wedged itself between my toes I decided to break our silence. I sent him a picture of just the beach alone so he could see what I was staring at.

It took him a bit but he replied “Beautiful.”

I didn’t  know what to say after that. I hoped he would of asked me a question as to where I was but he didn’t. I put my phone back down and continued watching the waves. As a wave hit, it rumbled picking up the sand and taking it along with it as it flipped and hit the ground once again bringing the sand back down, with the wave going over it so lightly as if it had just not tumbled the sand over. Instead it seemed the wave calmed itself over the sand as if the sand was the one responsible, the one who had just pulled the wave over. That’s how I felt. How it seemed everything had been. He was the wave, my wave. To take me along with him on this ride not knowing myself where we, or I would end up. But I went along willingly from the beginning even with the confusion I felt at that time. Maybe it was the adrenaline that he caused me during the shows or the sneaking around, but whatever it was I liked it. At the beginning it was all about fun and everything was too new for me.  He was good at keeping secrets, I've gotten better. I missed those beginning days when we were on tour. Those days when he was only a few feet away or his hotel room was next to mine. Those hotels with the connecting rooms were the best. I learned to use those doors the hard way. Dancing around in only my underwear in a hallway then going into his room, thinking no one was watching wasn’t such a good idea. We were told about it and I got in bit of trouble because of it. We both did. Rarely were we told what to do or how to do things but with that they made sure to talk to us about the “issues” moments like that can cause. As they put it we had to “behave”. I didn’t mind following rules, it wasn’t like I didn’t behave but Harry on the other hand. He didn’t like it when he would feel people wanted him to act or be different than who he is. The more they would try to change him the more he would push back.

I guess he did “behave” but I’m sure it was all an act to make management think he was in on their game. But of course what better way to show them that he will do what he wants is by doing something in stage in front of thousands of people where no one would edit or stop what was happening.  Makes me smile just remembering. I went with him when he got his tattoo on his thigh. He tried hard to convince me to get one too but I was just not ready for that.  We were in the middle of the show when he decided to show the audience his new tattoo or as he put it show them how much he loved them. No one was ready for that but he pulled his pants down enough to show what he needed to. After the show he received another talk. Of course he said he didn’t think it would be that big of a deal or so bad. But with the smirk that came across his face I knew he knew exactly what he was doing. A couple of days later he surprise me, that’s where it all really started. The hiding, the thrill. In our show we would have a short intermission before coming back to finish our set. We would all run and hurry to do what we had to do. I walked into the toilet and he came in a few seconds after me.

“Harry” I said.

“Shhh” he said.  He took my head into his hands and pulled me into a kiss. I grabbed on to his waist to stable myself. The portable toilet with just enough room for both of us. It was a short and sweet kiss but just enough back then to remind me of the feelings I was developing for him. A knock on the door scared me I let him go and faced back to the toilet.

“Busy” Harry called out laughing. The door opened and he turned around smiling.

“What?” he said. “What?”

I turned around enough to see Neil standing out there with a camera in hand. Harry pretended to adjust his pants and ran out of the toilet. I quickly finished and went into the wardrobe station to switch shirts. Harry stood there smiling when I came inside. 

“That was close” I said, quickly grabbed another shirt and changed. As I turned to leave he was standing behind me too close that I ran into him. 

“What?” I asked. But he took me again and kissed me.

“Harry” I whispered stepping back from him. He smiled and walked towards me.

“Harry someone can come in here.”

“Niall, it's just you and I.” he said and took my lips again. I surrendered into his kiss allowing my lips to part. A slow kiss making my stomach turn with the anticipation of us getting caught.

“Harry” I said releasing the kiss to catch my breathe.

“What?” No one noticed.”

“We got to get back” i said as the slow melody began to play. I walked around him to exit the make shift room.

“I will wait for you in here each time, I’ll make sure it's just you and I if you still want to continue this.” he said and pecked my lips. 

I ran out to find the rest of the boys all standing at the foot of the stage entrance. I wondered if they heard or suspected anything that had just happened. I didn’t want to acknowledge it so I walked past them onto the stage smiling at myself. Harry was the last one to come on stage and I remember looking over at him and I couldn’t believe how calm he looked, unfazed to what had just happened between us. I glanced over at him again, he smiled. I tried to hold my smile and just looked at him. 

“You and I”he mouthed and nodded his head. I nodded along with him answering an unspoken question between us.

“You and I” he said again. I couldn’t hold it in, I smiled but had to look away embarrassed. 

Getting my composure back I turned to him again. “Stop it” I said smiling back at him.

 

The sound of the waves brought me back to the present. I didn’t know if there was rules to “our relationship” if this is what we were but I decided whatever the rules were they didn’t matter. Not right now. I grabbed my phone and messaged him again.  

_ I think you would like it here  _

_ If I could fly-  _ he replied a few seconds later. What about it? I wanted to ask but i decided to leave it at that. I decided to pick up my things and head back with the fellas to the hotel. We had to go pack up for the continuation of our trip.

I was half asleep when my phone went off. I grabbed it off the table that was next to the bed.

H- Miss _ me? _

I put the phone back on the table and turned back to sleep. A few minutes later my phone went off again.

H- When _are you back?_  

I decided I needed to answer.

_Next month, maybe._  

H-  _ Another month? _

_Yeah_  

H- _It’s been far too long_  

_ For what? _

H-  _ Going without seeing you _

I rolled my eyes. _You missing me_  

H- _Of course_  

_ It’s weird, it's been weeks of you not talking to me _

I could see he was typing a reply but nothing came through. I shouldn’t have sent that but I couldn’t take it back now it was already sent. I was a man of impulses and texting was always an impulse reply. Since the phone was no longer showing he was typing, I put the phone back on the table and turned back to sleep. A few minutes later it went off again.

H- _I’m sorry but I do miss you_  

_I haven’t heard from you and not until I message you, you decide that you miss me._  

My phone started to ring flashing his name across the screen. I ignored the call. 

H-  _ You are convinced that I never miss you but you don’t get to tell me or decide for me what I feel or don’t feel for you. I’ve missed you before you even left. _

_I just never really know with you, you have a weird way of showing it._  

H-  _ It doesn’t change the fact that it’s true, I love you and I don’t know what to do to convince you. _

A few seconds later my phone began to ring again. I ignored it again. 

_ I can’t pick up, it's 3 am and Adam is sleeping. _

H-  _ Adam is sleeping with you? _

_ We share the room _

H- _And the bed?_  

_No!_  

H- _Good_  

_ Jealous? _

H- _Very. I want to be the only one sharing a bed with you._  

_I wouldn’t have anyone else._  

And it was true I couldn’t see myself sharing my bed or any part of me with anyone else.

H-  _ That makes me very happy. I promise I will do better. _

_Sorry for being so dramatic about it, think I’m missing ya too much_  

H-  _ It’s alright I want you to tell me how you feel all the time. Hurry home. _

_ You won’t even be there. _

H- _At least you will be closer to me, You been missing far too long._  

_Missing?_  

H-  _ I’ve been keeping up and not many have seen you _

_ Busy being a ninja _

H-  _ Insert rolling eyes _

_ Ha Ha Ha. You could've used an emoji _

H- _None of them roll their eyes like me_  

_You’re such an idiot_  

H- _Hey that’s not nice_  

_You’re my idiot._  

H-  _ Getting nicer _

_ I’m going back to bed as always you have this thing for 3 am _

H-  _ I can’t help it _

_ Good night Styles _

H- _It’s my morning but goodnight, Horan_  

_ Then good morning _

H- _All the love_  

The rest of the day he would send me a text every hour saying he missed me. 

_ I get it  _ \- I sent to him.

Leave it to him to take it to social media. It was something he knew only I would understand. A little post with a hidden message. Like always.

_Alright I am convinced you miss me_  

H-  _ Making sure you know _

Being able to travel and see all the beautiful places this world has to give has been one of my favorite things during this break. Every new city, new town I wished Harry was along for trip he would appreciate everything as much if not more than me. But for now I knew the only way we would be able to travel the world together is being in the band. I arrived back in LA and went straight to his place hoping to surprise him. But he had returned back to London and he could not leave as he had a few meetings set up. Everything was pointing at that this break was determined on keeping us apart among other things. Me being one of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the little angst that is about to make its way over but I couldn't help it.


	11. Chapter 11

 

“How long you in town Nialler?” Louis asked.

“Just a few more days.” I said, hoping Harry would be back by then.

“I say we go out tonight”

“I dunno maybe”

Louis stared at me for a bit “You heard from Harry?”

“What? No! Why would I?”

“No reason. It's just a question Niall no need to get so defensive.”

“Have you?”

“I heard he is in town.”

“Not anymore he is in London now.”

“And you know that how?”

“Social media, saw a picture.”

“Oh, right.”

“So you never talked to him this whole month he was in town?”

“I was gone for a bit remember?”

“Right, how's Liam?”

“He is good. But you know what, I did see Harry before going back home.”

“When?”

“One night, he was pissed mate. I don’t think he should drink, he gets weird, you know what I mean?”

“Weird?”

“Yeah, it's alright though, no major harm done.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I rather not talk about it Niall. I should talk to him first.”

“What? Why, what happened?”

“Well he, I mean, I guess we, no never mind I can’t”

What the fuck was he talking about? “Louis, what happened?”

“Calm down Niall, it's just a bit embarrassing.”

“Embarrassing for who?”

“For him and well for me, I guess. I just didn't think it would you know happen or like...man”

I was trying really hard to keep my composure. “Louis, what happened?” I asked again.

“He was pissed and I was pissed.”

“Yeah and?”

“Well I don’t know I guess one thing led to another.”

“What?”

He started laughing. “Niall you don’t think I am serious, do you?”

“What?” I shouted.

“Niall, nothing happened. I haven't seen him.  I reached out for us to hang out but he was busy and then I got busy. But you should have seen your face.”

“Fuck you.” I said shoving him.

Louis continued laughing. “What is going on with you two?”

“Nothing.”

“Is that what has you so upset, you wish something was going on?”

“No” I exclaimed.

“Then why would you get so upset if him and I met?”

“I didn’t. I wouldn't”

“Oh no, not if we saw each other but because you thought something would of happened between us.”

“Shut up” I told him

“Niall, you know you can tell me, right?”

“Tell you what?”

“If you know..” he raising his eyebrows.

I looked at him confused.

“Come on mate, don’t make me say it.”

“Say what?”

“I know none of us have ever really talked about it but love is love.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Nothing forget it, so are we going out tonight or what?”

“Yeah sure.”

Louis didn’t know about everything that happened the past years between Harry and I. We had been good at secrets but being around together all the time it wouldn’t surprise me if Louis or Liam had their assumptions. Harry and I would see each other behind everyone’s back and we didn’t really date because what we were at that time had no definite label.  It was good to keep my mind busy even if it was just for a little bit of not thinking of him. Louis was good at that, helping me forget everything. But it's like he had a radar when he felt I was trying to forget him. He text me that night while we were out.

H:  _ Good morning  _

_ It’s not fully morning yet, guess what time it is? _

H:  _ Again?  _

_ Well close enough to it, it's 2:30 am _

H:  _ I am early. Sorry to wake you _

_ It’s alright I'm not sleeping, I'm out _

H:  _ What do you mean out? _

_ At a club with Louis _

H: _Oh_ _ i see, don’t go on getting drunk and kissing him _

_ I make no promises _

It was nice going out with Louis that night.  I didn’t have to over think on what I should do. It was just a night out with the boys. No need to be cautious as to who was watching or what I could or could not do. I had a message from Harry the next morning.

H:  _ Having fun, are we? _

_ Yeah a bit _

H:  _ A bit too much? _

_ I think the right amount _

H:  _ Oh really? _

_ Yes _

He then sent me a picture of myself from the night before. Shit. I should’ve of known.

_ Well when you got to go _

H:  _ I see that _

_ Don’t judge me _

H:  _ I’m not _

_ I can sense your tone of judgement _

H:  _ No judgement coming from my end _

_ Yeah, alright _

H:  _ It’s true, maybe you feel embarrassed and that’s all on your own _

_ NO I DON’T _

H:  _ Ok then. No shouting please _

_ What are you doing looking me up online? _

H:  _ I have to see you somehow _

_ I’ll make sure I go out enough so you can get your fix _

H:  _ That’s just a temporary fix...see what I did there. _

_ Clever _

H:  _ I rather get my fix on a more personal level _

_ Well come on then, what are you waiting for? _

H: _This sounds like a challenge, a_ _ re you daring me? _

_ Yes _

H:  _ You know how I am about dares. _

_ I DARE YOU _

H:  _ You shouldn't have dared me _

_ Why? What are you going to do about it? _

H:  _ When we see each other again you will see how serious I am about my dares _

_ Oh should I be scared? - sarcasm intended _

H:  _ No need to be scared. Just ready and please bring down your sarcasm  _

_ I’ve been ready since the last time _

Maybe it was the alcohol still running through my veins but I felt free and powerful answering him the way I was. I left him speechless, my phone did not show he was replying. I laughed. It made me feel even better. 

H:  _ It’s that so? I’ll be sure to remember that next time I see you  _ \- He said a few minutes later

_ You do that _

H:  _ Good times _

_ Very good  _

H:  _ Is this you or the alcohol talking? _

_ Maybe a little of both _

H:  _ I see _

_ Doesn’t change the fact it's been a long time _

H:  _ Too long _

_ In more ways than one _

H:  _ You just made me spill out my drink _

_ Are you alone? _

H:  _ No, you should see mom’s face when my drink spilled out my mouth _

_ Ha Ha, tell her I say hello _

H:  _ She says and I quote “Hi little cherub” I think she has you confused with someone else _

_ I think she is 100% correct _

H:  _ If you say so _

_ I do _

H:  _ Alright, I’ll talk to you later “cherub” heading out with mom for a bit _

_ Have fun _

H:  _ You too _

 

The next few days went by pretty fast and I decided it was time to finally come home. I had been having fun but it was now more than a month since the last time we had seen each other. I knew it was only a matter of time for filming to start and our time would be even more limited.

_ I’m coming home  _ \- I sent to him as I waited for everyone to finish boarding the plane so we could take off.

H:  _ When? _

_ Soon.  _ I said smiling hoping to be able to surprise him.

H:  _ Like a day or 2 soon? _

_ Yeah something like that. _

H:  _ Ok good because I will be down there tomorrow _

_ Tomorrow? _

H:  _ I leave in a few hours. I have a meeting the day after tomorrow so we can spend tomorrow together. _

_ Is it an important meeting? _

H: _A bit_

_ When will you be back in London after that? _

“Sir” the flight attendant said as she touched my shoulder “You will need to put your phone away we will be departing.”

“Ok” I said as I felt my phone vibrate with his reply.

H:  _ Not sure might be a while, why? _

_ Can you reschedule? _

H:  _ No, it's pretty important and I’ve postponed it for a while. Why? _

_ No reason _

H:  _ So I’ll see you down there tomorrow _

“Sir, your phone please.” the flight attendant said again as she came back up the rows.

“Sorry” I said and brought the phone to shut it off. As she walked away I sent him the last message.

_ Not tomorrow, I’ll see you when you come back to London.  _ I said and turned off my phone.

I was over this break. I didn’t even want to deal with anything anymore. I was glad I was so tired that I was able to close my eyes and sleep the whole flight. As the plane landed I turned on my phone. It buzzed with every message and email I received while in flight.

H:  _ Why not tomorrow? _

H:  _ Niall what’s going on? _

H:  _ What happened? Did I do something? _

He had also left me a voicemail.

_ Why are you not answering me? Where are you? I keep calling you....I don't know what happened. Niall please. Did I do something wrong? Was it something I said, please call me back Niall. _

 

By now he should be already on his way to LA. but part of me did not want it to be true. He could've taken a later flight and might just be leaving so I headed over to his place. I knocked a few times but no answer. I used the spare key he gave me and went inside. It was dark and empty. Clothes were missing from his closet. His bag was gone. He was gone. I could always get on a plane and fly back to LA I didn't have an important meeting coming up like he did. I still had a couple weeks left before The Masters. I could definitely make it there and still even have time to come back home before heading out. I decided it was better if I didn't at least not now. I decided to head home. I had slept on the plane but I felt tired, drained. I knew I should call him back but I would let that wait until tomorrow he was mid flight now. I walked into my place dropping my bags at the entrance, I can always unpack later. Everything felt quiet it felt empty. I sat on the couch debating to grab my bags and leave, to catch up to him. I felt so frustrated with myself if only I had let him know ahead of time we could of made other arrangements to meet up.  I hated how I felt,  felt miserable knowing we were so close to being together again and because of poor communication now who knows when we would see each other again.

“Enough” I said out loud and got off the couch. No more dwelling on what has happened, if tomorrow morning I feel the same I won't care what anyone else would think or say because I fly back to the same city right after him. I will go.

I walked over to the kitchen and noticed a box sitting on the counter

I opened the box inside was a small note sitting on top of a blue sweater. I recognized his writing.

_ Hope you like it. All the love _

He had been here. I took out the sweater and smelled it. It smelled of him. 

“I love the way you look in blue” 

I heard his voice behind me. I turned to find him standing a few feet away.

“Hi” he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it takes me a while to upload. I am almost done writing it by the way....its about time right? LOL.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not sure how to sum up this chapter so Just Narry being Narry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you are not into it there is a bit of adult content like very small innuendos because smut and me are just not good together.

“Hi” I said.

“You like it?” he asked pointing at the jumper in my hands.

“Yes, Thank you. What’s it for?”

“It's for you”

“I mean what’s the reason.”

“Just because.” He shrugged, “I saw it and thought it will look good on you.”

“Thank you.”

“Thank you” he said.

“For what?”

“My gift I had waiting for me at home.”

“Oh, did you like it?”

“Very much.”

“Good, a little of me.”

“So about that dare?” he asked as he inched towards me.

I laughed.

“What you didn’t think I would forget did you?”

“Of course not. I relied on you to remember.” I said putting the jumper down. I closed the space gap between us and put my hands on his hips pulling him towards me. He looked down at me and smiled widely as he put his arms around me.

“So, did you miss me?”

“A bit. Though I was mad at you too.” I told him.

“Me? What did I do?”

“Nothing.”

“Then why were you mad?”

“I mean that was it you didn’t do anything. I had to be the one to reach out to you.”

“I wanted you to enjoy your vacation. Plus I didn’t want to disturb your time with Adam.” he said. Not missing his sarcastic tone at the end.

“Oh right, good thinkin’, we did have good times.”

“How good?”

“Very good.”

“Not funny.”

“You started it”

“I really did miss you”

“Me too” I said bringing my lips to his. I had missed the feel of his lips, his hands as they made their way up to cradle my face in between them.

“Wait” I said breaking the kiss.

“What? Why?” he said pecking my lips, my cheeks and down my jawline.

“What are you doing here?”

“Didn't you listen, I’ve missed you” he said kissing me again.

I stopped the kiss again, “But your meeting, what happened?”

“You really want to talk now?” he said pushing his hips towards me.

“Are you trying to distract me?”

“Is it working?”

“Remember I’ve been building my wall against Harry distractions”

“Oh right. How is that going?” he asked as he placed his hands under my shirt bringing them around my back. 

“I was doing good until…”

He didn't let me finish. He covered my mouth with his. Pulling my body as close as possible. I could feel his excitement against my own. His smooth perfect lips moving at a slow yet hard rhythm. His tongue finding an opening and sliding into my mouth. The kiss turning passionate in an instant. My hands entwined into his long hair. I could feel his fingers pressing against the lower part of my back then his hands moving up and down my spine as if trickling little steps with his fingers. The touch of his hands so warm making my blood grow hotter. A low moan escaped my lips and almost what seemed  a growl sounding from his throat. Our hunger for each other matching. Our lips finally breaking to allow us both to catch our breaths.

“Wow” I said feeling dizzy from the lack of air my body had just experience. More like a high of the adrenaline my body was feeling. My Harry high.

“Ditto” he replied. “So how’s that wall?”

“Crumpled into pieces”

He smiled and pecked my lips.

“That’s why I don't even waste time on building a wall against you.”

“Like you need one” I said.

“I just don’t want it. I don't mind being distracted by you.”

“Do I distract you?”

“Often” he said.

I blushed but I felt like I had just triumph on something.

“So what are you doing here? I asked.

“Must we go over this again?”

“Go over what? We haven’t gone over anything”

“Fine” he said leading us back to the living room.

“Bottom line, I missed you” he said sitting in the middle of the couch and pulling me along with him.

“How did you know I was coming home?”

“I didn’t at first. You stopped answering me and your phone kept going to voicemail.”

“I should have told you I was coming.”

“Yes, you should’ve.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You should be”

“Well I am”

“I didn’t know what was going on. If I had said something or if something had happened to you. You had me worried. I started calling around and finally I thought maybe you were on your way back. I took a chance. I called Louis who told me you spoke to him told him you were coming home.”

“I wanted to surprise you”

“Thank you”

“Did Louis ask any questions?”

“He wouldn’t be Louis is he didn’t”

“What you tell him?”

“Nothing. Just if he had heard from you that Bobby had been calling you so he asked for my help.”

“Oh, he believed you?”

“I don’t know.”

I told Harry about the conversation Lou and I had the night we went out and how I believed he had his own assumptions.

“Does it matter what he thinks?” he asked.

“No”

“When the time is right we can all sit and talk about this.”

“Right.”

“Don’t think about that now. I’m here. You’re here.”

“What about your meeting?”

“I moved it.”

“Harry you didn’t have to”

“It was my decision, yeah, and it's done.”

“I feel so selfish”

“What? Why? If anything I'm the selfish one.”

“You went to LA for me in January and now you are moving your meetings because of me.”

“Niall, I told you I want to make this work between us and that I would do better. It was my decision.”

“Harry you can’t keep doing this”

“Why?”

“You just can’t”

“You want me to leave?”

“No, it's not that.”

“Then?”

“I don’t want this break to be over and you regret not enjoying it because you were stuck trying to track me down.”

“I won’t regret it. Trust me. I’m enjoying the break. I enjoy being with you more.”

“I do too and I appreciate what you are trying to do but I didn’t have a meeting. I could be the one going to see you. I’m sorry for saying I’m always the one doing everything because it's not true.”

“It's fine Niall. I know the mistakes I’ve done in the past and I just wanted to be better for you. For us.”

“From now on how about we meet when we can. Obviously  letting each other know. No breaking of meetings. We both have fun. No guilt.”

“Is that what you want?”

“Yeah, Kinda. I’m not saying go out there and forget me but just have fun. I’ll be here for you. You can’t get rid of me that easy Styles.”

“I’ll be here for you too.”

“So moving on, How long do I have you for?”

“A few days.”

“A few like 1 or 2?”

“Three.”

“ 3 days? I might have enough of you in 2.”

“2? Oh no Horan, two won’t be enough I still have a dare to complete.”

“And you need two days for that?”

“It’s not the need more like the want.”

“Want? Alright. What do you want?”

“Nope not yet. But I’ll let you know when I want it.”

“You know what I want?”

“What?” he asked raising his eyebrows.

“A shower.”

“Let’s got then” he said getting off the couch.

“What?”

“You want a shower, you get a shower”

He began walking up towards my room as he removed his shirt. The muscles of his back distracting me for a moment.

“Niall” he called from my room. I felt a knot form in my throat.  He looked over the railing pushing his long hair from his face.

“Shower now”

I shook my head no.

“I thought you said you wanted a shower.”

“I do”

“Well come on then. I thought you weren’t scared.”

“I’m not”

“Dares are dares, you shouldn’t have dared me.”

I got off the couch and walked towards my room. He smirked as I reached his side.

“Harry look.”

He put on his shirt leaving the buttons opened and kissed my lips. “Just get in the shower. I’ll prepare us some food. I changed my mind, the dare can wait.” He kissed me again and walked around me. Going  back down to the living room. 

“You are evil, you know that” I called after him.

“Bwa-haha” he shouted back.

Daring him might not have been the right thing to do.

 

When I came out of the shower I walked over to the kitchen but he was not there. I grabbed the blue jumper he had given me and put it on.

“Harry” 

“Out here” he yelled. I looked towards the yard but he was not there.

“Marco” I called.

“Polo”

“Where are you?”

“Out here.”

“Out where?”

“Here” he kept repeating. I walked toward the bedroom.

“Where?”

“You are getting warmer.”

I went toward the balcony outside the bedroom and there he sat with a juice in hand.

“What you doin’ out here?”

“I thought it would be nice to eat out here, you know away from Obama. Didn’t feel like sharing you today.”

“Alright let me go put on some shoes.”

“The sweater looks good on you, blue is my favorite on you.”

“Thank you” I said smiling. I walked inside quickly changed into shorts and put on my shoes. 

“What’s this?” I said looking down at the plate on the table outside with him.

“It’s called fruit Niall.”

“I thought we were going to eat.”

“You do realize you have been gone and your fridge is basically empty, good thing I brought my own fruit.”

“Oh shoot I forgot to get it stocked up. I thought I was going to be at your place.”

“We can go there if you want, I have food.”

“It’s alright I can eat fruit, I’ll stock up tomorrow.”

 

“I’m still hungry” I said a few minutes later. “I’m going to order some food.”

“Wait” he called as I walked away “Let me take a picture of you.”

“Harry come on”

“Just one. Now give me your best model pose.”

I rolled my eyes but looked away from him as he took the picture.

“Done?”

“Yes, you look good.”

I went inside and ordered us some food.

“Done, should be here in 30 minutes.”

“Good, by the way people love your picture.”

“What picture?”

He showed me my phone and the picture he had just taken of me.

“You uploaded it?”

“Of course you look good, it's meant to be shared.”

“I do look good, don’t I?” I said taking my phone. He got up from his chair and grabbed the plate from the table.

“Don’t let that go to your head.” he said pecking my lips and walking inside.

 

We spent the rest of the day cuddled up in the couch watching tv. It wasn’t really his favorite thing to do but he kept me company. He took a nap in between shows. We didn’t need much today just spending time alone after being apart was what we needed. I know it was what I needed.

“Are you ready for bed?” he asked yawning next to me.

“I think so”

“Do you need me to sleep on the couch?”

“What? Why?” I asked. It wouldn’t be the first time we slept in the same bed.

“I don’t know, just asking.”

“No, I can share my bed with you.”

“Alright, don’t say I didn’t warn you”

“Warn me about what?”

“I tend to get a little handsy and I still have a dare to complete” he said walking toward the room.

“Like I already don’t know that” I said as I turned everything off down stairs.

I walked into the bedroom and laid on the bed with my feet towards the headboard. I watched him go through his suitcase.

“Since you are going to be here for a few days you can use my closet to store your clothes in.”

“You want to make space for me in your closet?”

“So your clothes won’t be wrinkled.”

“Since when do you care about my wrinkles?”

“Nevermind then forget I offered.” I said.

He laughed. “I’m sorry, thank you. Is it ok if I leave some things here then?”

“I just offered” I told him “If you want to go ahead do it.”

He stepped into the closet. I laid on the bed looking up at the ceiling. I could hear his footsteps as he walked into the restroom to brush his teeth.

 

“Hi” he said looking down at me when he was done.

I looked up at him his hair hanging on the side of his face. Even though my current view of him was upside down he still looked good. The ceiling lights making his hair shine a little more. 

“Hi” I sighed.

“What’s wrong?” he asked kneeling down on floor, his face hovering over mine as he played with my hair.

“I don’t know”

A confused look came across his face.

“Something feels off” I said.

“Off?”

“Yeah, like not right.”

“With us?” he said rocking back to sit on his heels.

“No. I don’t know. I just have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, maybe it's just an upset stomach”

“Want me to get you anything, a warm tea?” he asked as he moved back up to hover above my face.

“No”

He brought his nose and laid it over mine giving my forehead a light kiss with his lips. His forehead just above my lips, I raised my hands and lowered his face so I could kiss his forehead too.  His long hair tickling my face.

“How long are you going to let this grow?” I asked playing with his hair.

“Just a bit more. I’m going to have to cut it for the movie.”

“That will be exciting”

“The cutting or the movie?”

“Both”

“Yeah I suppose”

“You will look great and you will do great. You always do”

“You think so?”

“I know so”

“Thank you, love” he said smiling down at me. Why did he have to look so damn good. I was sure he knew how gorgeous he was. Long or short hair, upside down or not it wouldn’t matter he would still melt hearts everywhere just as he was doing to mine. 

“Fuck” I said

“What” he asked shocked.

“I hate you” I shouted.

He laughed. “Why?”

“Because you’re making me feel this way”

“What way?” Unsure?”

“Like I just want to lock you and me in this room and not come out ever.”

“Oh. How am I doing that?” he asked speaking even slower, as he rubbed the sides of my cheeks with his thumbs.

“By staring at me the way you are”

He smiled. “I would apologize but I can’t help the way I look at you.”

“I hate you for making me feel so vulnerable. This is not me. It was never me until you came along kissing me, with.. With those lips.”

He tried to hold on to his smile or more like tried to hold onto a laugh.

“It's not funny Harry. I was fine on my own and you flipped my world upside down.”

“Hey, if you weren’t so cute none of this would’ve happened. You did the same thing to me.”

I released my hold on him and brought my hands back down to cover my face. “Aaaah” I screamed into my hands. “I hate that I love you so much”

He pulled my hands away from my face. “What did you say?”\

“I hate that I love you so much.”

“You what?”

“I hate…”

“No, No, the other part.”

“What that I love you?”

“You do?”

“Of course I do. You know that.”

“You never actually said it.”

“What do you mean? I’ve said it before.”

“No you haven’t”

“Sure I have. I’ve told you before. Fact I even told the other boys. It's not the same kind of love but I’ve said it.”

“No I mean you haven’t said it since we decided to take this relationship”

“So we’re in a relationship?”

“Um, well I thought, I mean, like…”

It had been a while since I had seen Harry get so flustered or blush. Tripping over his words. It was good to know he was human. 

I laughed. “I’m kidding, so that makes us what? Boyfriends?”

He smiled widely and shrugged.

“Well i think you need to know something Harry Edward Styles. I love you.”

“I love you too Niall James Horan.”

He leaned down and kissed me, still upside down. I had a better hold of his lower lip, I sucked on it briefly. As if his lips weren’t already full enough that made his lip a bit more swollen and a deeper shade of pink. He took in a sharp breath and brought his nose against mine. It was like I could feel his internal frustration wanting more but not sure what to do next. 

“Time for bed” he said kissing my forehead and getting up from the floor and walking into the restroom. I took in a breath and got off the bed. I removed my shirt and knocked on the bathroom door.

“Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“I need to brush my teeth.”

He opened the door and smiled at me moving aside so I could step inside. I walked inside and he headed to the closet.  When I came out of the restroom he was sitting on one side of the bed connecting his phone to it's charger. I followed what he was doing and did the same for my phone. He grabbed the covers from the bed and pulled them back as he climbed in. He was wearing a shirt and a pair of running pants. 

“Is that how you’re sleeping?” I asked.

“Yes, why?”

“I have never seen you sleep with pants on unless it's in public.”

He just looked at me. I took in a breathe and my body was already feeling dizzy at everything that was going through my mind but I still had to do this.  I walked over to his side of the bed and removed my pants letting them drop to the floor. He looked me up and down. I could see his eyes focusing on the excitement showing in my body.

“Niall” he said almost breathlessly as he brought his gaze back to my face. I climbed on top of him straddling him between my legs. 

“I love you” I said, thought it came off a bit shaky. Took his lips to mine.  I wanted him to feel the desire, the hunger I was feeling. I put all my emotions, all my frustrations and all my needs into the kiss.  Our tongues rolling over each other. I placed my hands under the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head. His hands holding me from my waist burning my skin with the touch of his fingers. I brought my hands back up to his face and held it between my hands. Tilting his head a bit i kissed his jaw line. The jaw that was a perfect angle. I moved slowly kissing down to his neck. His hands pulling me inward to his body. He moved his face so our lips could meet again. Kissing me feverishly. I was feeling more intoxicated with the taste of him. All of our clothes eventually found themselves laying somewhere in the bedroom floor. Discarded as no longer needed objects. Nothing else mattered but him and I.  With a swift move he laid me back onto the bed. His eyes met mine and I could see the darkness in his eyes and I am sure he could see mine as well. Wanting him in every way possible. I gasped as I felt the warm of his lips on me. I put my hands into his hair and watched as he made eye contact with me. His tongue swirling around me, making me gasp for air every single time.

Heat racing through each vein, making my body feel so hot. I began to feel dizzy, drowning with the pleasure I was feeling. He came back up and kissed my lips, inserting his tongue into my mouth. could taste the myself on his tongue. He took my hands and placed them above my head, entwining our hands together.  I felt his need, his throbbing against my own. I wanted him and he wanted me. 

“Top drawer” I managed to say as we kissed.

“What” he said trying to catch his breath. 

“There” I said pointing to the top drawer on the right side of the bed. He reached over and opened it.

He grabbed the items from the drawer.

“If at any time you don’t want to do it…”

“Shut up” I told him pulling his mouth back to mine again. Of course I wanted to do this. He always knew how to take care of me. Always being careful making sure I was ready.

“Look at me” He said. I brought my eyes to meet his gaze and I could feel him even more. This intimate connection is what we both loved. It was all the physical and emotional parts that kept us fitting with one another, yet at times causing us to break but not now. Now it was uniting us, once again.t Very slowly he  moved his hips, taking my moan on to his lips as he covered my mouth with his. I grabbed his hips and digged my fingers into his skin. Feeling the pleasure run all the way to my toes. I was sure my nails would be leaving marks on his skin. I wanted to leave my mark. 

His slow but caalculated movements,were perfect. Intensity building with each thrust. We were here together, getting lost in one another.  It wasn’t just lust and heat it was us loving each other. 

“I love you” I said. That was made everything reach the climbing point. We both fell into our release together.

He let his body fall on top of me. “I love you more” he said against my ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All that time it took for an update for that??? I know, I know. I will go sit in the corner ashamed and think of what I have done. 
> 
> P.S. Thank you if you continue with me after this all this nonsense :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking time to read this little piece of work which it's still basically in the works.


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